Time is not behaving the way I would like it to. Doesn't it seem that whenever we are looking forward to something, maybe a wedding, time seems to move like molasses in January. But when we need to get something done, maybe an internship project, time seems to fly by faster than a leer jet. The fact remains that in reality time moves at the same pace all of the time, no matter how fast or slow we want it to move. The seconds tick away without any consideration for it we are ready for them or not and all we can do is deal with it the best we can.
Today I was looking over my calendar for the next 4 months and there is more ink on those pages than I have seen in a long time. Most of my time is accounted for with either church stuff or wedding stuff leaving little time for anything else. Part of me is glad for the plethora of distractions from the fact that I am truly miserable without Tim. I know exactly how many days are left until our wedding everyday (133 today) and I dread the end of the day when I realize that I have spent another day without him. When I was in college you could not have convinced me, even when I was drunk, that I would feel this way about anyone at this point in my life and now that it's actually happening I have to suffer with living 200 miles away from him for the year before we are married.
The good thing about time going by at a rate that we can never control is that it will always keep going. Life will always move on and force us to face our fears, desires, and trials and then they are over and we go on to something else. Memories of those times remind us of our lives and how unpredictable they can be. As I look towards this coming Holy Week I am reminded of all of those great times at Valpo in the Chapel and the seminary and I wonder how this year will look and feel. Right now I am longing to see Easter Sunday and finally be able to shout Alleluia and thank God for the miracle of the resurrection. Until then I will continue to prepare and pray for time to do what it does and get me through this as best I can.
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