Too Long

You know that it's been too long since you have blogged when you almost forget what your user name and password is for the site.

Well a lot has happened since my last post in July. I went to San Antonio, TX for the ELCA National Youth Gathering with 9 youth from my internship congregation. I wrapped up my internship with a great final Sunday with a fun brunch and a bit of hilarity when my supervisor debuted the three songs that she wrote/modified to honor me. With the help of my Dad and then future in-laws, and Tim I packed up the house in Connecticut and moved back to Philadelphia and the seminary. It was the biggest move that I have done since I acquired some furniture and more stuff in general in the last year. Oh, and it was the hottest week of the summer with temps in the 100s for the two days that it took to move back to Philly so that just made the process that much more fun.

We had no sooner moved my stuff into the apartment that we were throttled into full on wedding mode. The two and a half weeks that we had between the move from CT and the wedding FLEW by so quickly! We squeezed two bridal showers, a dress fitting, made the programs, entertained various guests, and endured the general chaos that ensues before a wedding in about 17 days - it was nuts. But, the stress and organization that we kept in the planning process paid off when it was time to relax and enjoy the wedding from start to finish. From the rehearsal on Friday to the brunch on Sunday everything was absolutely wonderful! Tim and I were really quite relaxed for the whole wedding day and I believe that it was our easy going attitude about the whole thing that contributed to the day going as well as it did. If you would like to see pictures you can go to http://perfectday.smugmug.com/weddings and look for the Annemarie and Tim wedding - we absolutely love the pictures and were amazed at the candids that the photographers caught.

After the wedding we headed off to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for our honeymoon. We had mixed opinions about the whole experience. I think that the DR (Dominican Republic) is still struggling with the tourism that has really picked up in the last 5 years or so. At the resort we encountered a mixed reception from the staff - about 1/3 were happy to see and help us and the other 2/3 were not as willing to act like they were enjoying their job. In the end the goal of the trip, to relax and enjoy time away from the real world, was most certainly acheived as we enjoyed afternoons by the pool with drinks that flowed like water. We would not, however, travel back to the DR in the near future and would like to try some other Caribbean islands like Jamaica or the Bahamas on our next trip.

So now we are successfully moved into our apartment with just a few more things to find a place for - like the microwave and toaster oven. We are really enjoying married life and finally getting to live together after 20 months of being engaged. Tim has been having some fun with the food processor and making his own hummus and salsa. His next project will be some homemade pesto sauce and so far he has done a great job with cooking. I am looking forward to trying to bake some pies and finding new ways to help us develop healthy eating habits together.

Life is not slowing down now that we are married. We have just started classes at the seminary and we will both be working hard as we finish our studies. Tim will be looking to finish his thesis for his Master of Sacred Theology degree and I will have 5 classes this semester as I continue to make progress towards the goal of ordination. We should know where we will be living next year by mid-February so for now we are just hanging out and enjoying the student life.

Hopefully this update will spur me to write more in the near future. Being back in classes with a new group of folks on campus might just be the inspiration I needed to write more here. Although, being a senior at seminary also means that you no longer care about anyone else but the friends that you already have - we dont know most people on campus because we were in internship when they started or they are brand new to campus and its just too much effort to make new friends that we will probably not see for a while again. Oh well, they will just think that we are just stuck up seniors like we thought other seniors were - so continues the circle of life at seminary.

Checking Out

So I was at SUPERvision (I capitalize the 'super' because I want to make myself think that the experience is something super even though it is usually pretty average) last week and my supervisor recalled to me a conversation she had with some people from NJ the week before. They asked her if I was "checking out" since my time here on internship was coming to an end and I she emphatically answered that I was definitely not slowing down in my work. While I was flattered at this praise and recognition of my hard work I had to stop and think about whether this was true. That same day I won my 4000th game of free cell in a row and I have probably watched more World Cup Soccer matches than she thinks I have.

The idea of 'checking out' at the end of a work term is something that I do not think we can avoid. Personally, I have other things on my mind besides internship responsibilities with an upcoming wedding and getting ready to move into an apartment at the seminary. As the countdown to the wedding gets smaller my checklist gets longer that is beginning to get more of my attention than internship related work. In all honesty, I would rather be doing wedding stuff than internship stuff anyway. Keeping myself focused on the projects and responsibilities of the church has been hard but not impossible and so I guess I have been able to keep from making it known to others that I am 'checking out' but in my heart I know that I am.

23 days to go until I move back to NJ

"When you grow up..."

One of the more challenging aspects of being an intern is making sure that your role in the congregation is clear as a pastoral leader. I thought that I had done a pretty good job of this through insisting that I be called 'Vicar Annemarie' or 'VAm' and yet today was a wake up call. One of the dear women from the congregation was trying to pay me a compliment - which I was flattered by - by saying "When you grow up you could come be the pastor back at this congregation".

"When you grow up..." I am 25 years old so how old do I need to be before I am considered grown up? I know that she did not mean to sound as ignorant as she did but the fact is that many people in this congregation have trouble taking me seriously because they see me as their daughter, granddaughter, or neice and when you care about someone like that you cheer them on no matter what they are doing. It is nice to have that support but I need them to be my parishoners more than I need them to be my family. In a year I will be ordained and, barring any kind of radical plastic surgery, I will look exactly the same as I do now and I begin to worry about how I can help people to see me as their pastor and not the teenager that they just want to pat on the back.

I just want to be myself with people. If I have to go over the top with the 'adult' behavior people might not feel like I am approachable enough so I am trying to find a good balance. I think that this will be something that I will need to work towards for a while.

So much to say

There are so many days when I am in the car or in my office and think to myself "I should blog about this today..." but then I get home and completely forget to blog about whatever happened that day. From feeling fat to wedding stress and wanting to kill my boss there have been various topics on my mind. Lately they have been more wedding related than anything else but what do you expect when we have less than two months to go and I live 200 miles away from home?

I had a fitting on Monday for my wedding dress. At this point in the process the dress fittings should be something to look forward to because they put everything into perspective and you realize how great the day is going to be. Well I walked away from that fitting feeling like a cow and had no support from my Maid of Honor that was there with me. I never smiled once the whole time and all she could say was 'smile!', not 'what is the matter' or 'you look great'. It made me miss my Valpo girls a lot because from freshman year on I never felt like I was getting anything less than an honest and supportive opinion from any of my friends. My MOH is a friend from high school and I think that we have grown apart more than either of us expected to which is fine but right now it's frustrating because she is just not catching on.

It was also hard to be at a dress fitting without my Mom. Actually, the whole dress process has been particularly difficult to do without my Mom. From day one of shopping I have been trying to keep my emotions in check and just get through it without too many hiccups and I think it caused me to settle on a dress that fit the criteria that I thought that I wanted when it might not be my 'dream' dress. I never had a 'dream' dress and this dress is going to be just fine but I think that any dress that I would have gotten would still feel like a mistake because Mom was not able to help. I will say that Karrie Tallon is my personal hero right now because she emailed me from Rome, Italy to tell me that everything will be ok and that Mom really is with me in this whole process and would be so happy with the choices I have made - especially Tim :)

I have about 5 weeks left on internship and there are moments when it feels like 5 weeks is not enough time to finish all that I need to and other moments when it feels like an eternity. Tim was here last week and will be back for the last week in July so in between I need to finish my internship project, my approval essays and my final evaluation - 3 things that are nothing short of epic to complete. All in all it will be a good 5 weeks with a trip to San Antonio with the youth group (who I will probably miss the most!) and Vacation Bible school with the kiddos that make me smile every Sunday morning. So it will be a good 5 weeks.

Well, in all honesty, that is all that is going on right now. Wedding inviations are out and we are now waiting for responses. If you did not get an invite please do not take it personally but blame Powerball and Mega Millions for not matching our tickets all those times that we played for all of those millions. You could also blame my Dad's mother for having 10 children and therefore giving me 25 first cousins who are mostly my age and most of which have spouses that are automatic invites. If I had millions we would all be together for a week having a blast and celebrating like rock stars.

36 days until I move home; 56 days until I start a new life

El Amigo

El Amigo is also known as "The Friend" "El Friend" and "The Amigo" and is one of the best 'restarants' in the Vale of Paradise that is my college town. This is where you will find drunken students/townies at random times of the evening either because they are drunk and need some food or are just plain bored - both of which are common states of being in Valpo. At this fine establishment one can get many varieties of Mexican cuisine such as the burrito and the taco - actually there are a few things on the menu that are better than burritos and tacos but most of my friends dare not experiment.

This evening I was up late, as usual, watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and really craving some tacos from El Amigo and wishing that I did not live in a town that shuts down at 10. El Amigo is open until 3am and would never close its doors to a hungry student, or townie. So this evening I devote this blog to El Amigo and those scary guys who work there. I never did find out what that steak really was... Long live "The Amigo"!

3000

Many, if not all, of those who read this blog do not know that I am addicted to Free Cell. I have a game program called Solitaire Till Dawn and it has become a major distraction. Well, today I reached a milestone in my Free Cell career - I have won 3000 games in a row, that's right my winning percentage is 100%! Seems pretty impossible doesn't it? Well, technically it is but with this program I can make reverse moves and figure each game out like a puzzle instead of only being able to play until I am stuck. This may seem like cheating to some but in many ways it adds to the lure of this game for me. Not only am I playing against the clock but I am also keeping my mouse/eye/brain coordination keen for the future. My fastest game is 40 seconds - yeah thats right, I am a free cell master!

In other news... I had previously thought that I had set up my comments page in a way that would prevent random advertisments but apparently I hadn't. I have alerted the local media and they made it the top story and I have since changed the set up so that only those who can see those squiggly letters and type them in the box will be able to bless my blog with their comments. I would like to thank Christine for bringing this to my attention - what would I do without her?

Checking In

I am so happy that today is May 1. April kicked my butt big time. Between teaching first Holy Communion, Holy Week, and my Internship Project I really wore myself out. Last week I was a little more than tired and really felt like I had 'checked out' for lack of energy to care about anything important. The one thing that kept me on track for the week was a funeral that I had on Saturday. It was the first funeral that I presided over alone - Pastor Nagle was in her 'retirement home' in Vermont (at least she told me she was going up there this time...). You know you have a crappy funeral director when he leaves during the service to wash his car. And believe it or not this was not the first clue that we had that he was an idiot.

So with the start of May I am checking back in for the next 3 months. 90 days until I am out of here! I will be away for 13 days of this month so I am sure it will fly by in a flash. It's hard to believe that I have been here for 8 months already since some days it feels like I have been here for 8 years. Don't get me wrong, I love these people but after the adventure that was Easter I am about ready for a break. I have not been home or away from CT on my own at all since January and right now I am really itching for a change of scenery. I will be home for two weekends in May so that will be great and then all I have left is June and July.

Well, enough about that. I am going to bed. Busy week to come! Goodnight!

Peace be with you

Here is the sermon that I gave today. Read at your leisure and try to imagine me saying it because I think it sounds better when spoken aloud to try to imagine me standing in front of you inflecting and making wild hand gestures. The wide gaps between paragraphs are long pauses - I wish I had some sort of video recording to post instead...

Sermon for Sunday, April 23, 2006

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, defines agoraphobia this way “Agoraphobia today describes severe and pervasive anxiety about being in situations from which escape might be difficult or avoidance of situations such as being alone outside of the home, traveling in a car, bus, or airplane, or being in a crowded area.” People who suffer from agoraphobia often become prisoners in their own home. The idea of being in an uncontrollable environment causes them so much anxiety that they would rather stay in their homes for days on end, sometimes years, before they will risk leaving. Their feelings of safety come from the closed, locked door that shields them from the unpredictability of the world outside.

Doors can be precious things. They protect and shield many people from having to face what danger might be lying on the other side. They also open to some wonderful opportunities and friendships with people that we might have never thought possible. Some doors are large, some are small. Some slid open and others revolve. Sometimes crossing the threshold of a door into an unknown situation can make us want to turn around and go back so that we do not have to face whatever is on the other side.



The disciples had locked the door. And for good reason, the people outside of the door were looking for them and probably wanted to kill them for being followers of Jesus. They did not know what to do. The last time they had seen Jesus he was dead – really dead – and the hope for the resurrection that he kept talking about was beginning to dwindle. They did not want to step into the chaos outside their door for fear that they would not be able to escape unharmed and so they stay inside. What were they going to do?

“Peace be with you”. Can you imagine the surprise when Jesus appears in that room? The room with the door that was locked – the door that is STILL locked. Before they can even begin to comprehend anything else he shows them his hands and side so that they can see and touch his wounds. They can feel him and yet he could walk through the locked door. He didn’t need a key or to tear the door down, he just walks in. Then they rejoiced! “Peace be with you,” he says again. Peace indeed! Jesus is alive!

There is nothing more to fear because Jesus has defeated sin and death. And as he gives this peace he reminds them that as the Father has sent him, so he now will send the disciples with God’s peace to share with all people.

What wonderful words those are, “Peace be with you”. The word peace can mean so many things depending on the situation. In Hebrew the word Shalom is known to mean peace but it’s meaning can go further than that and for many it means a sense of completeness, wholeness, and tranquility; relief, comfort and strength. God’s peace is what will make the disciples able to enter new situations without fear of being alone. That peace is also what makes us know that WE are never alone.



When my Mom was in the hospital there were these large 5ft. wide doors that led to the Cardiac Care Unit. You had to push a big button on the wall for the doors to swing open. Once the doors were open there was a distinct odor of what I call, “hospital smell”. Sanitized air that felt heavy and daunting. I walked past the first three rooms and then came to hers and approached another threshold. There were two large sliding glass doors to her room that were usually open but created one more threshold in which I had to cross. The nurses were always really friendly and usually someone like my Dad or Grandmother was already there so it was easy to go in once I saw them. It was as if Jesus had whispered “Peace be with you” in my ear when I saw them because I was no longer afraid and knew that I would not have to go through that experience alone.



September 1 was my first day here at Gloria Dei. I had already moved in with the help of Tim and my Dad and now I was ready to start my work at the church. I put on a nice skirt and top and got the things that I thought I would need for my first day together in a bag. I walked through the trees and across the parking lot, up the stairs and then to those big red doors. I tugged on one and it was locked – so was the other. I saw a sign that said that I needed to ring the bell in order to gain entry. I have to say that I felt rather awkward talking to the voice that came over the intercom. “uh, um… I’m Annemarie… the new vicar?… “ There was a buzzing sound from the door and the voice said “Come on in!” I went in. Down the stairs and into the office where I was immediately met with a key to the entire building, except one closet for which there is a separate key. In a matter of about 3 minutes I went from being a stranger on the doorstep to the keeper of the keys. What a welcome. I heard “Peace be with you” at the sound of Lisa’s voice and as she handed me the keys – all of my anxiety was gone and I knew that everything was going to be ok.

At those words, “Peace be with you”, the fears of what was lying behind those locked doors is beginning to subside. The disciples are beginning to understand what this resurrection really means for them. At first they had begun to think that their job of preaching and teaching with Jesus was over after his death, but now their job is really just beginning. They now have good news to share with those who have been mourning and living in fear after his death. They are at the threshold of a new journey.

But Thomas was not with them when Jesus appeared. He did not hear those wonderful words or see the wounds and face of Jesus. The other disciples tried to tell him what they had seen so that he would know that Jesus was truly alive but he was not convinced. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

So what is the matter with Thomas? Does he think that the other disciples are lying about this? How could they lie about something so wonderful and uplifting? Thomas wants things to be done on his own terms. He likes to be in control of his life and how he experiences it. If he is going to believe that Jesus is alive he is going to need some proof… well more proof than what he has already heard from his friends.

We want to control things and do them on our own terms more often than we want to trust God to be there with us to help. We become trapped in our own version of agoraphobic behavior, we become fearful of that moment of letting go and trusting that we are not going to be left alone. The more we try to stay in that locked room under our own terms the more we become like Thomas who would not believe until Jesus held out his hands to touch him.

We want proof that that everything will be ok and that we will never be alone in that hospital room… on that job interview… at the moment of death. And just when we think that we are going to encounter inescapable chaos – Jesus whispers in our ear, “Peace be with you” and appears as our family and friends, appears as our supportive church community, and promises that we will never be alone.

The fact that we share the peace with one another every Sunday is not because Pastor Nagle or the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America decided that it might be nice and neighborly to do. We exchange the peace with one another in order to build our community and to remind each other that in this body of Christ we are representatives of that peace for each other.

In this community our exchange comes at one of the most appropriate places that I have encountered. Some communities exchange the peace just before the offering is taken but here we exchange it right after the confession and absolution. We have just confessed to God that we are not even close to being worthy of the love and mercy that we are shown on a daily basis and have heard those words of forgiveness. What better time is there to hear “Peace be with you” than right then? It’s the hug of love and compassion that we need to feel in order to know that the mercy God has for us is real.

How many people do you know who do not have an opportunity to hear these words spoken to them and for them? How many people do you know who think that God has locked them out and could not possibly love them enough to actually bring them the kind of peace, love, and wholeness that we experience here? Maybe they are people that you used to see just a few pews ahead of you. For whatever the reasons there are people everywhere who feel as though God has abandoned them and are really waiting for someone to show them that the wounds in Jesus’ hands and side are actually for them and that they are worthy of that much love.

We are standing on the threshold of the door to finding the mission for the congregation. We will gather today to study the bible, discuss our faith, and make plans for how we will reach out into the world in the name of Christ. The world is full of chaos; in this week alone we remembered the Oklahoma City bombing and the Columbine Massacre and we are constantly aware of the wars that are going on overseas and next door and there is no way to know what we will have to face in the future. We do have a promise from God and Jesus through our baptism and this meal that we are about to share together that whatever we do, we do it as the collective body of Christ. We must always remember that no matter how thick the door or chaotic the situation Jesus is going to be there, whispering “Peace be with you”. Amen.

35 Kegs of beer on the lawn...

35 kegs of beer!! Take one down, pass it around - oh no the cops are here to take away our beer on the lawn!

It's Spring Weekend at UConn and the news has been covering it since Tuesday (it only goes the length of the normal college weekend - Thursday through Sunday). Interviews with police, students, police, and police were necessary to see how the police would handle those crazy college kids. Last night there were a few arrests for disorderly conduct and minor crimes. Tonight there was a big party crashed - there were 35 kegs of beer at the house. Now, most of the houses in Connecticut are HUGE because there are a lot of rich people here (there are also a LOT of poor people) so I can see how you can hide a lot of people in them without too much trouble. But how do you expect to hide 35 kegs? AND, how do you suppose you are going to CONSUME all of those kegs. As someone with some experience with kegs I know that it takes a lot of people to empty 1 and I think at one party we could have handled 2 no problem, but 35? Thats a little optimistic, I don't think anyone is that popular I don't care how many frats you might have pledged or nerds you promised hot girls to. If 1 keg produces about 165 12 oz cups of beer. That means that 35 kegs produces 5,775 12oz. cups of beer!! Seriously, I know that the US is all about 'thinking big' and indulging in things but that is just ridiculous.

Here is a link for your reading pleasure http://www.queensjournal.ca/articlephp/point-vol132/issue16/news/lead1
Sorry, I don't know how to make pretty links without all of the schmutz.

The most sad part of this whole situation is the fact that this story was reported within the first 5 minutes of the news cast and actually beat out the Chinese President's visit to Yale University. I won't even go into the report titled "Oil Changes Undercover" with the boob at the Jiffy Lube who basically said that any and all kinds of driving are considered "severe conditions" and that everyone should get their oil changed every 5 minutes, I mean every 3000 miles - no matter what your owner's manual might say (those people that made the car have no idea what they are talking about apparently).

Welcome to Connecticut! Only 101 days left!!!

I was on a roll...

And then suddenly I am gone for 10 days. Holy week was really great but SO busy. I learned a lot about planning services and how (not) to instruct congregations when they are beginning an Easter Vigil tradition and have NO IDEA what is going on. Easter morning was glorious and I belted out those "Alleluias" because I had been waiting for Easter since the beginning of Lent. I cannot remember a time thta I wanted to see Easter more than this year, except when I was younger and Easter meant candy more than it meant celebrating the resurrection of our Lord.

Contrary to what it may seem, I actually have a lot to say about the world and what is happening in it. I come up with blog ideas all day long, unfortunatley they always come to me while I am in the car, in my office, or in church (when you have to go 3 times a Sunday you have some day dreaming room during the sermon). Things like the way people drive, the way this church operates in its daily life, life in Connecticut, and weddings in general. But then I come home and it becomes the end of the day I am not longer wanting to rant about the way people follow you on the highway or how much I love The Daily Show.

Right now I am knee deep in my Internship Project. The main event is this Sunday and as it approaches I am realizing how much I have to get done. I am leading a workshop called, "Exploring Our Mission" in which we will talk about Biblical and Lutheran models of mission and then discuss what the needs are for this community and how our mission statement reflects all of these things. It's gonna be a good time but I am going to be wicked happy when it's Monday and I am done with one more milestone on the way to the end of internship.

So I apologize to those you who read this - there are more than I had first thought. I appreciate your interest because it makes me feel worthwhile as a person, that and when I go to Panera and they no longer ask for my name when I order. Speaking of Panera... on Easter I was greeting some college kids and one of them said "Aren't you in Panera a lot?" I had to admit my patheticness and then told his mother that the next time he sees me he should say hi so that the people who work there think that I have friends.

Welcome to Holy Week

Welcome to Holy Week.

It started with my day off which is probably an appropriate way to begin this week. The sad thing is that my supervisor's day off is Friday and so she will not have a day off until next week - and I am sure that I will hear about it at sometime this week. Tomorrow and Wednesday we will be preparing for the marathon that will be Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday with at least 2 services on most of those days along with various other activities. I am preaching for the Bristol community Good Friday service so that should be cool, I am looking forward to it since I have not preached on Good Friday before let alone for a multi-denominational service.

This past weekend was an adventure but one that we came through pretty well. There were a few surprises along the way such as the fact that apparently I have been volunteered to sing the psalm on Maundy Thursday which no one told me until it was time to rehearse - since I HATE when people volunteer me for things without asking me I did not attend the rehearsal, I also had something much more important to do anyway. During the Sunday School hour (also during rehearsal time) we did a kind of 'Stations of the Cross' activity with the kids to show them some of the things that we celebrate this week. It was really cool and I was really glad to have a chance to help with it.

One of the more interesting parts of being the Vicar is realizing that your schedule is not something that anyone check's with before they schedule meetings/activities that they expect you to attend. One of the classes I missed in seminary was "How to Divide your Body in Two" so that I could successfully attend two things at a time. So Sunday night when both confirmation and Cruzando preparation needed my attention I had to split it up between them. Maybe when I am ordained I will get to learn it, along with that secret handshake that I see everyone doing...

Tim is coming on Wednesday so this week is going to get really good on that day. The weather this week is gorgeous so in general I am a happier person since sunshine is like a drug to me - can't get enough! Well, until I am sunburnt and cursing it's existence...

Welcome to Holy Week...

Time

Time is not behaving the way I would like it to. Doesn't it seem that whenever we are looking forward to something, maybe a wedding, time seems to move like molasses in January. But when we need to get something done, maybe an internship project, time seems to fly by faster than a leer jet. The fact remains that in reality time moves at the same pace all of the time, no matter how fast or slow we want it to move. The seconds tick away without any consideration for it we are ready for them or not and all we can do is deal with it the best we can.

Today I was looking over my calendar for the next 4 months and there is more ink on those pages than I have seen in a long time. Most of my time is accounted for with either church stuff or wedding stuff leaving little time for anything else. Part of me is glad for the plethora of distractions from the fact that I am truly miserable without Tim. I know exactly how many days are left until our wedding everyday (133 today) and I dread the end of the day when I realize that I have spent another day without him. When I was in college you could not have convinced me, even when I was drunk, that I would feel this way about anyone at this point in my life and now that it's actually happening I have to suffer with living 200 miles away from him for the year before we are married.

The good thing about time going by at a rate that we can never control is that it will always keep going. Life will always move on and force us to face our fears, desires, and trials and then they are over and we go on to something else. Memories of those times remind us of our lives and how unpredictable they can be. As I look towards this coming Holy Week I am reminded of all of those great times at Valpo in the Chapel and the seminary and I wonder how this year will look and feel. Right now I am longing to see Easter Sunday and finally be able to shout Alleluia and thank God for the miracle of the resurrection. Until then I will continue to prepare and pray for time to do what it does and get me through this as best I can.

3 Days to Palm Sunday

Life is getting crazier by the day. The closer we get to Holy Week and Easter the crazier my life becomes. There is so much to do before Sunday and then so much to do next week.

Just when I thought that I knew what next week would look like (crazy) my supervisor mentions that we need to do Holy Week visits to the homebound of the congregation - when in the hell am I supposed to visit the homebound?! I am happy to visit them at any time, I just wish that I had a bit more warning about it than the week before. Then I ask why we didn't sit down and go over the list together (like we have 3 times before) and she says that we already did... hmmm... I don't think I was at that meeting. So I tell her that I don't remember and she insists that because there are notes on the side of her list that we met in the recent past - OK, I forget stuff so it's quite possible that we did. So I get back to the church and go into my office to find my sheet and notice that there are no new notes on my sheet referring to new visit assignments. Hmm... When I get home I have an email from her listing the people that I am supposed to visit - THEY ARE THE SAME ONES AS LAST MONTH!!! We have not talked about this in a meeting since February!!! I know this because I actually put the date next to my information when we met the last time. Such is the life of an intern...

Tomorrow is going to be a long, hard day and I am looking forward to the end of it.

Until then...

What a day...

It wasn't a bad day but man was it long! I got up and went to the gym in the morning and then got myself into my office only to realize how much work I have to get done before Sunday. My internship project is coming up and I am beginning to realize how stressful this is going to be. April is going to fly by and I hope that I am able to keep up! I only have 4 months left here to get my stuff done and still manage to get stuff done for the wedding. I will be ordering invitations this week and someone from the congregation has offered their services as a calligrapher to help me address them - a total God-send! I know that in the end things will work out just fine but right now I am beginning to freak out a little. I cant't wait until we are finally married and I can begin my life with Tim. Tim is coming a week from today so I am really looking forward to seeing him - 39 days apart is too long!

Tomorrow I am looking forward to SUPERvision and a day of preparations for Palm Sunday and Holy Week. I cannot believe that Palm Sunday is this week! Where did the time go? I am not ready yet!

Tonight I spent some time updating my MySpace site and now my little brother has a site too so you should go and harass him.

GG

There have been more than a few shows that have captured my attention over the years. Mr. Rogers, Pinwheel, You Can't Do That On Television (thank you Nickelodeon before you got all crazy), The Cosby Show, Fraggle Rock, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, The Sopranos, Big Love... and many more - but there is only one show that I own actual seasons of on DVD and is Gilmore Girls. Maybe it's because the girls talk about as fast as I do and I feel a kind of kinship in our speedy speech. Maybe I wish that I lived in a town like Stars Hollow with characters like Kirk, Taylor, Miss Patty, Babette, and of course, Luke. Maybe I wish I had rich grandparents like Richard and Emily to fight over who will pay for my Yale education and to buy me a Prius. Since I currently live in Connecticut (where the show takes place) I have been able to really catch on to some of the Connecticut-isms that they use such as the Courant, dirty New Haven, rich people from West Hartford, the Gold Coast, and the random po-dunkness of the small towns.

Here is my commentary on the show this season for all of you who watch too:
Right now I would like to wring Rory's neck for meddling wth her mother's relationship with Luke because she is really making it worse than it has to be. Even if Lorelai is being a little wimpy about pushing Luke to introduce her to his newly found 12 year old daughter, April, she is just trying to be supportive of Luke. And if anyone should be talking about relationships it is not Rory! She has taken Logan back twice now after he behaved badly and most girls would forgive her for taking him back after he was a jerk the first time but then after he sleeps with 4 girls because of a misunderstanding that reminds of me the show Friends when Ross and Rachel were "on a break" and most girls would say take a hike - but not Rory! All he needs to do is bat those pretty eyes and she is back in his luxe apartment in New Haven (the good block in New Haven). I want to email the writer and see if she could please give Rory her spine back sometime soon becuase I don't think I can take it anymore.

So thats what I have to say about that. Life has been hectic and this past weekend really kicked my ass with all of the stuff that I had to do. I hope to keep up with the blogging for the rest of Lent becuase I know how you are just waiting to see what is going to come out of my brain next.

Beautiful India

I thought that I would post some more pictures tonight. For this post I will post some of the more beautiful pictures from India.

The flower was taken in a natural medicinal garden and while I have no idea what the plant itself is called, the flower is gorgeous.


This picture is of the beach along the Arabian sea in Mangalore. I got to swim in the 70-80 degree water, it was amazing to be there. For the most part people do not take vacations like we do and so it was a little odd to the locals that we were swimming in the sea.


These are some women that were part of a vocational college that was run out of a seminary in Mangalore. They were amazing people and were happy to show us what they were working on both in their typing and seamstress classes.


Here is a photo that I took through the window at a Buddhist Temple in Bangalore. The monks are teaching smaller boys the ways of Buddhism so that they too will become monks one day. There were beautiful gardens surrounding the temple too.

I have a confession to make...

I dread going to sleep at the end of the day. In my short experience in living alone I have been reminded of my neurotic tendency to freak myself out when I am in a dark place. After get into bed and turn off the light I begin to hear the house settle and try to convince myself that all of those sounds have nothing to do with what I would hear if someone were in my house and trying to get me. Eventually I wear myself out worrying and fall asleep. When I awake in the morning I kick myself for wasting my energy worrying about nothing at all. After 6 months of this nonsense I am beginning to get a little upset with myself. What 25 year old is still afraid to go to sleep because, essentially, they are afraid of the darkness? Well, at least one. I have done everything from Tylenol PM to listening to music to help me sleep better and through the whole night. I keep one of my old field hockey sticks next to the bed in case I need to fend off some burglar. I also keep two phones (cell and land line) handy in case I need to dial 911 quickly. I am a nut, I know, but I cannot help it.

In all honesty I think that a lot of this has to do with the death of my mother. This is not a cop-out explanation so stay with me on this. Over the past year and a half I have developed an extreme fear of my own death - so much that I have become a much safer driver and am more aware of the people around me. It sounds a little neurotic and it probably is but it seems that the only thing that helps me calm down is being with Tim. I am not trying to be cute and lovey dovey, but honestly being with him makes me feel like life is going to go on for a very long time. So when I am not with him I also worry about him having a car accident and all kinds of other things because losing him would probably be more than I could handle.

So I guess I am just in fear of death and all that goes with it because it sucks and there is nothing that can bring that person back. The good thing is that I am a Lutheran and understand that I have already died to sin and am alive in the resurrection of Christ. Tim is a great example for me in this because he is always confident and not afraid of death at all he is able to live in hope and faith. Good thing I am marrying him - he just makes life better, and I tend to get more sleep when someone else is in the house with me.

Brownie to the rescue!

Well this day went from kind of boring to so stressful that I just want to elope! Pericope became a vehicle for my supervisor to build up and let our her frustrations on me on the drive home. Then, I brought her some cookies and the day seemed to perk up from there. I made a timeline for my Internship Project and began to see a clearer vision of what it will eventually look like and that was more than comforting since I am approaching this project with no prior 'Mission Statement' building experience.

As I left the church I decided that it might be a good day to go shopping for new work clothes - that was a mistake. I went to Old Navy and Kohl's and realized that right now my body is either too big or too small and not once did anything actually fit me the way that I think it was supposed to. So I am going back to the Lean Cuisine hardcore for the next few weeks so that I actually become a size that exists and not one that is in an alternative universe. Ugh.

Then I come home and realized that I need to get our invitations figured out soon so we can order them and have the calligrapher write all of the addresses on them before June. That meant that I had to figure out the wording, color, font, and style of the invitation, response cards, reception cards, and the envelopes. That took 4 hours and I still have to wait for some more information. If I knew getting married the formal way was this stressful I would have booked a flight to Vegas a long time ago. Sheesh!

The good part of the day was watching former FEMA director "Brownie" make a fool of himself on the Colbert Report. If you have a chance to catch it tomorrow it's worth a half hour of your time. He actually thinks that he is smart, its hilarious.

The Panera Experience

Since I live alone I find myself having trouble preparing food for just me most of the time. I usually end up at Panera bread for meals since the food is a little healthier than most fast food places and the atmosphere makes me feel like eating there might make me smarter - maybe thats because I am usually reading there but whatever.

Well, since I am at Panera 3-4 times a week I have come to recognize the people, mostly teenagers, that work there and they have begun to recognize me - when they ask for your name for every order and your name is Annemarie they begin to catch on. It's a great feeling when Tyler gives me my food without having to look at the screen to see what I am getting because he knows what my usual is (You Pick Two with Broccoli Chedder soup and Smokehouse Turkey panini). Most of the time I am not too embarassed to be there because the food is so good and I am usually getting it to go. There are some days when I am able to sit down and enjoy my food with a book and those are the days when sitting alone really begins to take it's toll. In the end its all good since in a little more than 4 months time I will be back in NJ and getting ready to get married and I will never be alone again... hmmm

For those of you who are Office Space fans I should let you know that there is one employee at Panera that reminds me of Brian at Chatchkies (I have no idea how to spell that) - the kid who is annoyingly energetic and tells the guys that they must have "A case of the Mondays". He is usually standing by the door welcoming people and helping them out. He even has blonde hair and is a similar height and build to the guy in the movie. I was glad to see that his name was David and not Brian becuase that might have been too much to handle so I have been able to keep my composure around him most of the time. They ran out of Dr. Pepper today and he was standing next to the machine when I realized that only seltzer was coming out of the fountain and came to my rescue. He then let me know as he was letting the air bubbles out of the tank that Dr. Pepper was his favorite drink as well and if I had needed Pepsi he would not have helped me as fast. So hard to not laugh at him. You have to wonder if he has seen that movie and tries to be Brian because that would be both sad and admirable.

Tomorrow is pericope and that means 2 hours of my supervisor giving her opinion no matter who wants to hear it. woohoo.

Stuck in the Middle...

Since I have been losing some weight lately I have been looking to get some new spring clothes that will compliment my shrinking figure. I have run into a weird problem in my shopping outings and its something that I did not anticipate. I go into stores like Old Navy and the Gap, places that I LOVE, and find that most of the stuff that they have are not really appropriate for a Pastoral Intern to wear. Then I look into a store like Kohls, L.L. Bean, and JC Penney to find some clothes and feel like I have just walked into my mid-30s. How am I supposed to find clothes that are age appropriate and job appropriate? Even when I do find clothes that I think will work they cost an arm and a leg so I am back to square one.

If I wear the younger looking stuff I have to deal with people thinking that I am younger than I am and I can only take being confused for a 18 year old so many times before I start to get a little frustrated. I am not ready to start wearing the older looking stuff because I am only 25 and would like to give off the impression that I have some kind of fashion sense. My closet right now is a little lop-sided with lots of grey sweatshirts from college and seminary and lots of pairs of black pants with random shirts. I have a lot of skirts but they are mostly black and boring. Someone actually mentioned how much black that I wear at church the other day - so apparently my colored sweaters that I wear over my black clerical shirt and black pants are not diverting their attention enough.

Oh well, life goes on I suppose. Eventually I will figure out what I should be wearing and be able to afford it. Until then I will just have to make things work.