Yesterday, I was thrust into the unexpected and glorious work of ministry. I was enjoying the lovely Labor Day party that Tim and I were hosting when all of a sudden the phone rang. Now, ever since we moved the phone has been ringing off the hook with telemarketers and we have been screening the calls using our caller id. Tim went to the phone and when he answered it I knew it couldn't be good. Only people who don't have our cell phone numbers call the house and that means that it was probably someone from the church.
I heard Tim say, "Yes, she is here, just a moment" and my heart sank. Has one of our members died? Is there an emergency? What could this call be about?
When I got to the phone and said hello a woman named Mary was on the other end and her voice was panicked. Her mother was dying at the hospital. Immediately, I was sent back to my own experience of my mother dying and had to fight back those memories in order to be present for this woman. She began to explain that she had been engaged to a man for two years and had kept putting off the wedding for various reasons. Her mother was now asking that they get married before she died, it was her dying wish to see them wed.
Let me pause to let you in on what was going on in my head at that moment. I have never done a wedding before. I have no idea what I would have to do in order to actually perform this wedding. I am not ordained - should I tell them? I have a house full of people - do I just leave them? What the heck am I supposed to do???
So I listened more as Mary told me about her mother and the last two weeks that had brought the news of inoperable late stage cancer for her mother. The family was devastated at the news of their strong Irish mother being so ill so fast. She sounded regretful that she had let numerous opportunities to marry slip by. It also sounded like she should be distrought for a lifetime if she was not able to fulfill this dying wish.
She admitted that they did not have the proper paperwork from the state and that we would have to meet again later to complete those papers to make the marriage legal but that the ceremony was really what meant the most to her mother.
So I quickly weighed the situation and decided that it was best to throw on some clerics and get myself to the hospital - I was going to officiate at my first wedding. I did inform this woman that it was, indeed, my first time performing the ceremony but she did not seem to mind one bit. I am still envious of the faith she had in someone she had never met and had found by chance.
So I ran to the church to grab my Occasional Services book and a Bible before I headed to the hospital. I, of course, remembered the room number wrong and got a little lost before I found the group of family gathering in the lounge. Mary was wearing a white sundress that she had bought that day and Jeff, her husband to be, was in a button down shirt and slacks. Jeff had found rings that afternoon and they even had some champagne set up for a small reception after the ceremony.
A note about the family. Mary had said on the phone that she came from an Irish Catholic family and that since she and Jeff were previously married they were not permitted to be married in the Catholic church. I worried as I walked into the hospital that they might not welcome a female pastor into the situation but I was warmly greeted by everyone. Her brothers were wearing Guinness t-shirts and the hospital room was decorated with all kinds of pictures and Irish sayings. They brought home to that place for her and it was beautiful.
One of Mary's brother's plays the bagpipes in a band and had just come from a competition that day. He had a recorded bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" was played as the processional and recessional.
It was clear that this family was close and that they had been waiting for something like this to bring some joy in the midst of their pain.
I quickly went over the details with Jeff and Mary. They picked a reading from Ecclesiastes chapter 3 (the text that inspired the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds) which I thought was very appropriate for this moment in the family's life.
Mary's mother was too ill to leave her bed so we had the ceremony in her hospital room. We stood so that she could see every moment of her daughter's wedding. To be honest, the whole thing is a blur. I know that we did everything that needed to be done for the wedding to look official. As I looked at Mary and Jeff, though, I knew that they could not have been happier in a church or a hall than they were in that hospital room. They had a familiar gaze that I know I shared with Tim when we were married. That hospital room became a holy place as we witnessed God's grace in the love of these two people and in the presence of Mary's mother.
After the wedding was over champagne was flowing and the celebration began. Someone had brought two brownies that Mary's mother had made to represent wedding cake. There were numerous toasts to the couple and the family. For a moment they were allowed to be joyful and know that God is indeed with this family.
Before I departed I spoke briefly with Jeff and Mary. We discussed future plans to make their marriage official and they expressed their deep thanks for my coming on a holiday. It was I, though, who had become thankful for this couple and this entire family. There have not been too many times in the last two months where I have been able to clearly see God working in the lives of the people that I work with and this moment was life giving for me.
This call to ministry is more than one to the members of St. Thomas. It is a call to ministry at all times and in all places. Sometimes we can get too distracted and blinded by the local congregation and become unable to see the world outside. I thank God for breaking into that sometimes small and closed off community and giving opportunities for witnessing faith in unexpected and mysterious places.
So that is the story of my first wedding. Crazy as it may sound, it's all true.
