One of the more challenging aspects of being an intern is making sure that your role in the congregation is clear as a pastoral leader. I thought that I had done a pretty good job of this through insisting that I be called 'Vicar Annemarie' or 'VAm' and yet today was a wake up call. One of the dear women from the congregation was trying to pay me a compliment - which I was flattered by - by saying "When you grow up you could come be the pastor back at this congregation".
"When you grow up..." I am 25 years old so how old do I need to be before I am considered grown up? I know that she did not mean to sound as ignorant as she did but the fact is that many people in this congregation have trouble taking me seriously because they see me as their daughter, granddaughter, or neice and when you care about someone like that you cheer them on no matter what they are doing. It is nice to have that support but I need them to be my parishoners more than I need them to be my family. In a year I will be ordained and, barring any kind of radical plastic surgery, I will look exactly the same as I do now and I begin to worry about how I can help people to see me as their pastor and not the teenager that they just want to pat on the back.
I just want to be myself with people. If I have to go over the top with the 'adult' behavior people might not feel like I am approachable enough so I am trying to find a good balance. I think that this will be something that I will need to work towards for a while.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
So much to say
There are so many days when I am in the car or in my office and think to myself "I should blog about this today..." but then I get home and completely forget to blog about whatever happened that day. From feeling fat to wedding stress and wanting to kill my boss there have been various topics on my mind. Lately they have been more wedding related than anything else but what do you expect when we have less than two months to go and I live 200 miles away from home?
I had a fitting on Monday for my wedding dress. At this point in the process the dress fittings should be something to look forward to because they put everything into perspective and you realize how great the day is going to be. Well I walked away from that fitting feeling like a cow and had no support from my Maid of Honor that was there with me. I never smiled once the whole time and all she could say was 'smile!', not 'what is the matter' or 'you look great'. It made me miss my Valpo girls a lot because from freshman year on I never felt like I was getting anything less than an honest and supportive opinion from any of my friends. My MOH is a friend from high school and I think that we have grown apart more than either of us expected to which is fine but right now it's frustrating because she is just not catching on.
It was also hard to be at a dress fitting without my Mom. Actually, the whole dress process has been particularly difficult to do without my Mom. From day one of shopping I have been trying to keep my emotions in check and just get through it without too many hiccups and I think it caused me to settle on a dress that fit the criteria that I thought that I wanted when it might not be my 'dream' dress. I never had a 'dream' dress and this dress is going to be just fine but I think that any dress that I would have gotten would still feel like a mistake because Mom was not able to help. I will say that Karrie Tallon is my personal hero right now because she emailed me from Rome, Italy to tell me that everything will be ok and that Mom really is with me in this whole process and would be so happy with the choices I have made - especially Tim :)
I have about 5 weeks left on internship and there are moments when it feels like 5 weeks is not enough time to finish all that I need to and other moments when it feels like an eternity. Tim was here last week and will be back for the last week in July so in between I need to finish my internship project, my approval essays and my final evaluation - 3 things that are nothing short of epic to complete. All in all it will be a good 5 weeks with a trip to San Antonio with the youth group (who I will probably miss the most!) and Vacation Bible school with the kiddos that make me smile every Sunday morning. So it will be a good 5 weeks.
Well, in all honesty, that is all that is going on right now. Wedding inviations are out and we are now waiting for responses. If you did not get an invite please do not take it personally but blame Powerball and Mega Millions for not matching our tickets all those times that we played for all of those millions. You could also blame my Dad's mother for having 10 children and therefore giving me 25 first cousins who are mostly my age and most of which have spouses that are automatic invites. If I had millions we would all be together for a week having a blast and celebrating like rock stars.
36 days until I move home; 56 days until I start a new life
I had a fitting on Monday for my wedding dress. At this point in the process the dress fittings should be something to look forward to because they put everything into perspective and you realize how great the day is going to be. Well I walked away from that fitting feeling like a cow and had no support from my Maid of Honor that was there with me. I never smiled once the whole time and all she could say was 'smile!', not 'what is the matter' or 'you look great'. It made me miss my Valpo girls a lot because from freshman year on I never felt like I was getting anything less than an honest and supportive opinion from any of my friends. My MOH is a friend from high school and I think that we have grown apart more than either of us expected to which is fine but right now it's frustrating because she is just not catching on.
It was also hard to be at a dress fitting without my Mom. Actually, the whole dress process has been particularly difficult to do without my Mom. From day one of shopping I have been trying to keep my emotions in check and just get through it without too many hiccups and I think it caused me to settle on a dress that fit the criteria that I thought that I wanted when it might not be my 'dream' dress. I never had a 'dream' dress and this dress is going to be just fine but I think that any dress that I would have gotten would still feel like a mistake because Mom was not able to help. I will say that Karrie Tallon is my personal hero right now because she emailed me from Rome, Italy to tell me that everything will be ok and that Mom really is with me in this whole process and would be so happy with the choices I have made - especially Tim :)
I have about 5 weeks left on internship and there are moments when it feels like 5 weeks is not enough time to finish all that I need to and other moments when it feels like an eternity. Tim was here last week and will be back for the last week in July so in between I need to finish my internship project, my approval essays and my final evaluation - 3 things that are nothing short of epic to complete. All in all it will be a good 5 weeks with a trip to San Antonio with the youth group (who I will probably miss the most!) and Vacation Bible school with the kiddos that make me smile every Sunday morning. So it will be a good 5 weeks.
Well, in all honesty, that is all that is going on right now. Wedding inviations are out and we are now waiting for responses. If you did not get an invite please do not take it personally but blame Powerball and Mega Millions for not matching our tickets all those times that we played for all of those millions. You could also blame my Dad's mother for having 10 children and therefore giving me 25 first cousins who are mostly my age and most of which have spouses that are automatic invites. If I had millions we would all be together for a week having a blast and celebrating like rock stars.
36 days until I move home; 56 days until I start a new life
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