Beautiful India

I thought that I would post some more pictures tonight. For this post I will post some of the more beautiful pictures from India.

The flower was taken in a natural medicinal garden and while I have no idea what the plant itself is called, the flower is gorgeous.


This picture is of the beach along the Arabian sea in Mangalore. I got to swim in the 70-80 degree water, it was amazing to be there. For the most part people do not take vacations like we do and so it was a little odd to the locals that we were swimming in the sea.


These are some women that were part of a vocational college that was run out of a seminary in Mangalore. They were amazing people and were happy to show us what they were working on both in their typing and seamstress classes.


Here is a photo that I took through the window at a Buddhist Temple in Bangalore. The monks are teaching smaller boys the ways of Buddhism so that they too will become monks one day. There were beautiful gardens surrounding the temple too.

I have a confession to make...

I dread going to sleep at the end of the day. In my short experience in living alone I have been reminded of my neurotic tendency to freak myself out when I am in a dark place. After get into bed and turn off the light I begin to hear the house settle and try to convince myself that all of those sounds have nothing to do with what I would hear if someone were in my house and trying to get me. Eventually I wear myself out worrying and fall asleep. When I awake in the morning I kick myself for wasting my energy worrying about nothing at all. After 6 months of this nonsense I am beginning to get a little upset with myself. What 25 year old is still afraid to go to sleep because, essentially, they are afraid of the darkness? Well, at least one. I have done everything from Tylenol PM to listening to music to help me sleep better and through the whole night. I keep one of my old field hockey sticks next to the bed in case I need to fend off some burglar. I also keep two phones (cell and land line) handy in case I need to dial 911 quickly. I am a nut, I know, but I cannot help it.

In all honesty I think that a lot of this has to do with the death of my mother. This is not a cop-out explanation so stay with me on this. Over the past year and a half I have developed an extreme fear of my own death - so much that I have become a much safer driver and am more aware of the people around me. It sounds a little neurotic and it probably is but it seems that the only thing that helps me calm down is being with Tim. I am not trying to be cute and lovey dovey, but honestly being with him makes me feel like life is going to go on for a very long time. So when I am not with him I also worry about him having a car accident and all kinds of other things because losing him would probably be more than I could handle.

So I guess I am just in fear of death and all that goes with it because it sucks and there is nothing that can bring that person back. The good thing is that I am a Lutheran and understand that I have already died to sin and am alive in the resurrection of Christ. Tim is a great example for me in this because he is always confident and not afraid of death at all he is able to live in hope and faith. Good thing I am marrying him - he just makes life better, and I tend to get more sleep when someone else is in the house with me.

Brownie to the rescue!

Well this day went from kind of boring to so stressful that I just want to elope! Pericope became a vehicle for my supervisor to build up and let our her frustrations on me on the drive home. Then, I brought her some cookies and the day seemed to perk up from there. I made a timeline for my Internship Project and began to see a clearer vision of what it will eventually look like and that was more than comforting since I am approaching this project with no prior 'Mission Statement' building experience.

As I left the church I decided that it might be a good day to go shopping for new work clothes - that was a mistake. I went to Old Navy and Kohl's and realized that right now my body is either too big or too small and not once did anything actually fit me the way that I think it was supposed to. So I am going back to the Lean Cuisine hardcore for the next few weeks so that I actually become a size that exists and not one that is in an alternative universe. Ugh.

Then I come home and realized that I need to get our invitations figured out soon so we can order them and have the calligrapher write all of the addresses on them before June. That meant that I had to figure out the wording, color, font, and style of the invitation, response cards, reception cards, and the envelopes. That took 4 hours and I still have to wait for some more information. If I knew getting married the formal way was this stressful I would have booked a flight to Vegas a long time ago. Sheesh!

The good part of the day was watching former FEMA director "Brownie" make a fool of himself on the Colbert Report. If you have a chance to catch it tomorrow it's worth a half hour of your time. He actually thinks that he is smart, its hilarious.

The Panera Experience

Since I live alone I find myself having trouble preparing food for just me most of the time. I usually end up at Panera bread for meals since the food is a little healthier than most fast food places and the atmosphere makes me feel like eating there might make me smarter - maybe thats because I am usually reading there but whatever.

Well, since I am at Panera 3-4 times a week I have come to recognize the people, mostly teenagers, that work there and they have begun to recognize me - when they ask for your name for every order and your name is Annemarie they begin to catch on. It's a great feeling when Tyler gives me my food without having to look at the screen to see what I am getting because he knows what my usual is (You Pick Two with Broccoli Chedder soup and Smokehouse Turkey panini). Most of the time I am not too embarassed to be there because the food is so good and I am usually getting it to go. There are some days when I am able to sit down and enjoy my food with a book and those are the days when sitting alone really begins to take it's toll. In the end its all good since in a little more than 4 months time I will be back in NJ and getting ready to get married and I will never be alone again... hmmm

For those of you who are Office Space fans I should let you know that there is one employee at Panera that reminds me of Brian at Chatchkies (I have no idea how to spell that) - the kid who is annoyingly energetic and tells the guys that they must have "A case of the Mondays". He is usually standing by the door welcoming people and helping them out. He even has blonde hair and is a similar height and build to the guy in the movie. I was glad to see that his name was David and not Brian becuase that might have been too much to handle so I have been able to keep my composure around him most of the time. They ran out of Dr. Pepper today and he was standing next to the machine when I realized that only seltzer was coming out of the fountain and came to my rescue. He then let me know as he was letting the air bubbles out of the tank that Dr. Pepper was his favorite drink as well and if I had needed Pepsi he would not have helped me as fast. So hard to not laugh at him. You have to wonder if he has seen that movie and tries to be Brian because that would be both sad and admirable.

Tomorrow is pericope and that means 2 hours of my supervisor giving her opinion no matter who wants to hear it. woohoo.

Stuck in the Middle...

Since I have been losing some weight lately I have been looking to get some new spring clothes that will compliment my shrinking figure. I have run into a weird problem in my shopping outings and its something that I did not anticipate. I go into stores like Old Navy and the Gap, places that I LOVE, and find that most of the stuff that they have are not really appropriate for a Pastoral Intern to wear. Then I look into a store like Kohls, L.L. Bean, and JC Penney to find some clothes and feel like I have just walked into my mid-30s. How am I supposed to find clothes that are age appropriate and job appropriate? Even when I do find clothes that I think will work they cost an arm and a leg so I am back to square one.

If I wear the younger looking stuff I have to deal with people thinking that I am younger than I am and I can only take being confused for a 18 year old so many times before I start to get a little frustrated. I am not ready to start wearing the older looking stuff because I am only 25 and would like to give off the impression that I have some kind of fashion sense. My closet right now is a little lop-sided with lots of grey sweatshirts from college and seminary and lots of pairs of black pants with random shirts. I have a lot of skirts but they are mostly black and boring. Someone actually mentioned how much black that I wear at church the other day - so apparently my colored sweaters that I wear over my black clerical shirt and black pants are not diverting their attention enough.

Oh well, life goes on I suppose. Eventually I will figure out what I should be wearing and be able to afford it. Until then I will just have to make things work.

One more...

I almost forgot to post a picture of Tim! Some people have not met him so this is probably helpful for those people. This picture is from a beer festival that we attended in the fall of 2004. Aren't we cute? :)

Picture Pages!

Do you remember Pictures Pages with Bill Cosby? I remember always wanting one of those special books that he had and that cool pen with the kid on it - Mom denied me everytime. Oh well. I thought I would post some pictures for those of you who were tired of reading about my adventures. Also, today was pretty boring and there is really nothing to report. So, enjoy!





I promised Tara that I would post some pictures of her from college. So here they are. The first one is of me and Snorman pretending to sky dive in the 5 West hallway. The second is of Tara and LeeAnn, two beautiful women!





This is my engagement ring. I cleaned it up and took some pictures today for fun. For the ring story, of course there is a story, click the link for the Wedding Info and read it there. It's kind of long, otherwise I would post it here. It's a great way that we can keep my Mom with us all the time.

I would post pictures of my wedding dress but Tim reads this blog and I would hate to ruin the surprise for him. If you want to see pics of that let me know and I will email them to you.



Finally, here is a picture of the snow storm that we had in February - the date on the camera was wrong. We had over two feet of snow and we STILL had worship that day. I actually had to walk through that to go to church, TWICE! Crazy CT people! The lump on the left is my car...

It was a good day

After a massive sinus headache that left me out of commission for most of yesterday I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. I lost another pound in the last week making my grand total... 11 pounds! I feel better than I have in a very long time and am really proud of myself for working so hard.

I had SUPERvision with my supervisor this morning and we went over my mid-year evaluation. I was pleased to see that she has a lot of confidence in my skills for the ministry. It was also nice to know that we are both on the same page as far as my progress in this internship goes. She feels that I am moving at a pace that is ahead of the timeline originally set out and that we should be sure to manage our time wisely in the next 4 months. We then had an extensive meeting about Holy Week and the various service preparations we need to make. It's gonna be a busy week but we can definitely get through with class and style. I am preaching at the ecumenical Good Friday service so I need to prepare a message about God that doesn't offend anyone - maybe I will post it when I am done.

And now for an unrelated topic: There are some hoodlums that drive around my house in their loud cars. Sometimes they like to park in the church parking lot and have little parties in our memorial garden - where people's remains have been buried/scattered. I am always torn about what I should do about these people. I have called the police a couple of times and each time the people have scattered before the police arrive - Bristol police are a little slow on the uptake and have been known to operate racist radio stations so I have little faith in their promise to help. There have been many church break-ins in Bristol and so those of us who are clergy are more vigilant than usual about our buildings and how they are secured. In the police department's defense they do go around to the churches at night and pull on the doors to make sure they are locked - we know this because there have been a few times when they were not and the alarm went off at 3am. But I hesitate to call the police all the time because I think that the trespassers can see me in my house and thats why they flee before the police get their asses here. Also, I live alone - it sucks! - and I am scared enough when I go to bed at night let alone when I have called the police on some teenagers who just wanted a place to drink and have sex. I hear their loud cars driving in and out of the parking lot all night. It's really a catch-22 because I know I should call but for my own safety and sanity I should not. This is the stuff they don't teach you in seminary, maybe I could start a class next year.

In other news, I had my first Ham and Pickle salad sandwich yesterday. If you ever encounter this combination I would advise that you walk away slowly and find anything else in the room to eat. Somehow we ended up with 3 trays of these horrible sandwiches at the Lenten soup/sandwich dinner last night. At first I thought that I might like it because it involves two of my favorite foods - until I realized that they used sweet pickles and I was done. I don't know what culture this came from but I think they should take it back. Seriously, how is that good? I bet those silly Swedes brought them over - send them back!!!

Tomorrow I am taking my supervisor to the YMCA to work out in the afternoon. I think she forgot that it is actually her day off and not mine but I decided not to fight it and take advantage of the work out time. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow - sometimes those eliptical machines can be tricky...

Control Yourself

In the midst of internship there is a relationship built between the intern and the supervisor that, in some cases, rivals most marriages with time spent together and work done in partnership. During this 11 month intense time of cooperation we begin to learn things about each other that others might not pick up on since they are not around you nearly half as much. In 5 and a half months I have come to the definitive conclusion that my supervisor is a control freak.

She writes the 'Sunday Paper' - weekly news insert for the bulletin - herself and has never consulted anyone else in doing this. There is not one committee that she does not attend the meeting for or has her hand in. She dominates almost every conversation she is a part of and will almost always have the last word. Disagreeing with her is probably her biggest pet peeve - esp when the lowly intern tries to raise her meager voice in opposition. She has trouble hearing other people's opinions about almost everything.

I guess for the most part I just deal with it and move on with my life. I have come to the conclusion that with 4 and half months to go I can't really change her so I just need to learn as much as I can before I am finished. For the most part I learn a lot from her and appreciate the conversations and insights that she has for ministry and how I can be more effective - or maybe she is telling me to be more like her... hmmm. In any case, no matter if she is a control freak or not she is pretty true to herself and I have to respect that. I just wish she would stick to only controlling herself.

I heart Mondays

I think that one of the best parts of this internship has been having Monday as a day off. It's my favorite day because I get to do whatever I want and I do not have to do any work at all. It's fantastic.

So I went to the mall today in an effort to do some retail therapy and pretend like I have a lot of money. There is only one mall in a 15 mile radius. I think there are 4 malls total in the entire state of CT - its really weird. In NJ I had 3 malls within 4 miles of my house at my disposal. I also had 3 Target stores and here in CT I only have one and it's next to the mall. So when I go to Target or the mall I need to make sure that I get everything I need before I leave because if I forget something it might be a week before I have time to drive all the way out there again.

Some of you might be wondering why I just don't go to the local Wal-Mart instead of driving so far to go to Target. Well, I should tell you that Wal-Mart is no longer alive to me. Most of the time I forget there is one around the corner until someone mention's it, then I purposely forget it exists again. Wal-Mart has to be one of the worst corporations on the planet. The poor souls that are employed there will probably work there for their entire lives and never be able to actually shop there - no matter how low their prices are. The reason their prices are so low is because they save on overhead by not paying their employees enough in the first place. I know this first hand because I was employed at the Wal-Mart in my hometown for 3 months in the summer. I am not proud of this employment but it has opened my eyes to the insufficient wages that Wal-Mart pays it's employees. While I was a student who had parents to support her and did not have to worry about paying bills I know that those around me were in a much worse situation. I won't go on but just know that I will never shop at Wal-Mart, no matter how close it is to my home and how far away Target is.

The rest of the day was pretty good. Did some laundry and watched TV. By the way, the top news story tonight in CT is about a cat rescue gone bad, they even have footage of the cat flying throught the air to it's death. I wish I was making this up - I sometimes think the news people do.

Tired

I am so tired. I did not blog last night because I was at church at a lock-in for the middle school kids that went with us to Youth Quake in January. We had a great time and even had live music from a group of our kids who decided to become a band and cover some Captive Free songs - we ignored the fact that the CDs that they used for background help were louder than the kids. I got it all on video so I will show the kids the footage later on and leave them the tape to keep this memory. We had pizza, played Hide and Go Seek in the dark in the church - which everyone loved! - a bible study about Stand on the Rock (theme from Youth Quake) and had a great discussion with the kids. It was really a great event and I am so proud of the kids for being wonderful and cleaning up really well - no one would ever know we had a band set up!

One of the downfalls of a lock-in is that we do not sleep much, if at all. I am quickly realizing this year that I do not have the same bounce back abilities as I did in high school and college. My body is still aching from sleeping on the hard floor last night and I was a zombie after 1pm today. Luckily I was able to get a nap this afternoon and get some energy to be a little productive this evening. I am not feeling old but I am realizing that if I am going to be doing this for a little while I need to prepare myself appropriately for the amount of recovery time needed.

I had to wake up early this morning and run to my house to shower before I had to leave for a meeting in Manchester, CT for Cruzando training. Cruzando, Spanish for crossing, is the theme for the ELCA National Youth Gathering in San Antonio, TX this summer. It was really good to see other leaders from New England Synod churches and get to discuss our fundraising ideas, covenants, and our past gathering experiences - both good and bad. I think that it helped the two other leaders from Gloria Dei because this is their first gathering and there is only so much that I can tell them to get excited - this event really helped them understand how great this really is. The gathering is one of the last events that I will attend on internship and I am really looking foward the whole experience.

Maybe tomorrow I will have some more deep insight into life - right now I am becoming a zombie again and should probably go to bed.

Reminders of India

Today was a little more exciting than I had first anticipated. I had to go into Hartford to visit a parishoner at his place of work. Now this sounds a little odd to some people so I should explain. He works at a shelter/soup kitchen/mental health facility in East Hartford and I had been encouraged to visit him and learn about his agency. It was quite fascinating.

I had a moment to stand in the lobby as I waited for him to come down from his office and I noticed that there was a similar odor to what I found in India. It was the combination of uncleanliness of both body and clothes. I would hate to label the smell as 'poverty' but that is what it is and sometimes you just have to tell it like it is. We took a tour around the facility and I soon was able to see how much financial support is missing from this place. It provides 'transitional housing' for about 80 people and feeds them 3 meals a day. It has a soup kitchen downstairs that has two meals (breakfast and lunch) served everyday and feeds over 150 people. There is a small clinic where nurses are available for simple health issues. And on top of everything is a smaller social services office where 3 case workers all have desks and are there for help during normal business hours. On top of all of this there is another 10 bed wing that houses a mental health department for people who are being rehabilitated back into society but are dealing with chemical dysfunctions that are not connected to drugs and alcohol. The plight of this agency is hard because of the lack of funds that are available for the things that they need the most. The would love to rehabilitate the 200 year old building that they are housed in but it is an historical site and the only money they receive for maintenance will barely clean the floors. It was hard to walk around and see all of the good being done in this place and not be angry with the powers that be for not taking care of such a place more carefully. It's days like today when I feel like those who work for those who have the least are the ones who end up having the least because the support they receive is atrocious. If we are really a country built on freedom and equality for all why is it so hard to help each other get out of the gutter and back into a life that makes them feel alive instead of like the walking dead? It really blows my mind sometimes and I feel really small and unable to help at all.

Today gave me something to think about and a new way to think about my life on this earth and particularly in this country. We have been given the right to vote and I intend on using that vote and my voice to speak on bahalf of those who need it and fight for the rights of those who have been told that they have none. No one deserves to live in filth and have to feel as if they are not worthy of help no matter what their circumstances. Jesus loved all people including those who were the least favored by society - therefore it is our job to show that love to each other and know that all of God's people need to know that they are God's children, no matter what.

Nod and Smile

Today started out looking like the day from hell. The secretary was in the hospital and is now out for the rest of the week. We had to throw the bulletin together for Sunday and now we have to work on the Messenger (newsletter) so it doesn't go out too much later than anticipated. We had to go to a BAAM meeting (explained below) and we still had Lenten activities this evening along with the added bonus of a council meeting - Beware the Ides of March, indeed!

BAAM stands for Bristol Area Association of Ministers. We meet once a month at a church and have lunch provided by great church ladies usually including large cookies and lots of rippled potato chips. Usually there is the same group of people including the Catholic Priest and a nun (not from the same parish) and the Baptist, 2 Methodist, 2 Congregational, Lutheran (well one of the 4 churches) and Assembly of God pastors and all but 4 of us are male. I have learned most of their names and pride myself on knowing where each one comes from as far as the religious spectrum goes. One thing that I have noticed is that each time we need I end up having to re-introduce myself to most of the members. And if I was questioning their lack of interest in who I am before I only had to take a look at the bulletin for the Good Friday community service. Not only was my name left out (I am preaching) but there wasn't even a place that said that there was a message to begin with. They had to write my name into their margins and fix the bulletin before it could go to print. Then when they were filling it in the asked me what my name was AGAIN! I did end up making a snide comment halfway under my breath that I wondered how much more they would remember my name if I was a man - I am pretty sure no one heard me because they were still trying to process the fact that my name was one word, not two. I told my supervisor that I would be interested to know if her intern next year, who is a man, was more well received and recognized by this group - she said that she was as well but probably wouldn't tell me either way for my own good - gotta love her.

So the day did not end as badly as it had seemed which was nice. The weather is taking a turn to the windy with a spoonful of cold and snowy. I am SO ready for spring!

Feeling better

Woke up this morning able to breathe a little easier through my nose and still felt like the 8lbs that I have lost far have not crept back into my life. Unfortunately I did not wake up until 10 so I had to do a little running around to get some stuff done.

We had pericope this afternoon and it sucked. We had a presentation about the ELCA Global Mission Event from a very damp and stupid man. Usually this event should bring excitment and fun for those involved, unfortunately this guy didn't get the memo that he shouldn't walk into conference meetings and act like no one wants to get involved. There was actually a moment when I looked around the room and no one was actually engaged in what this man was saying, it was quite sad. Then one of the pastors led a brief text study for the gospel lesson for next Sunday that was almost as crappy as the previous presentation. In college and seminary I learned how to present my work in a way that made it look like I actually did more work than I did - apparently this pastor missed that part of his experience. He always brings printouts from online sermons and text studies. Just once I would love to see something that he actually did himself, he makes this job look like anyone can do it if they have a computer and know which sites to use. The good part of the afternoon was getting back into the car with my Supervisor and knowing that she completely agreed with me about our experience. I do like her most of the time.

I tried to make a pita bread pizza today and failed miserably. Brother has been making these kinds of pizzas forever and I thought that since I have watched him do it over and over I might have caught on to how to accomplish this - but of course I failed. I pre-cooked the pita like the package said so that could have been my first mistake but I think that the ultimate mistake was using Prego Three Cheese sauce instead of regular tomato sauce - Brother also confirmed this fact. He also recommended using a toaster oven instead of the conventional oven - unfortunately I will not have my toaster oven until either someone buy's it for us for the wedding or we buy it for ourselves, until then I will just keep on trying. Or maybe just make the ham and cheese sandwiches - an art which I have mastered, phew.

March is going a little slower than I would have liked but I guess it's ok since I have so much work to do before the month is over. I have 4 and a half months left here and the last 3 are going to fly by. My project is slated for April 23 and I cannot wait for that to be over becuase then I will be able to concentrate on going to the Nat'l Youth Gathering with the kids and maybe even on getting married. Life is really starting to come together and I could not be happier about it.

But it was my day off...

Monday is my day off and for the last few weeks I have not been able to really relax and enjoy it - today was no different. I woke up still sick and unable to speak a whole sentence without my voice going in and out so you could only hear certain syllables. My nose was still runny too. What a way to wake up.

I debated for most of the morning about whether or not I should go to the doctor to see what exactly is wrong with me. In the past, when I needed to make such a decision I would usually call Mom. Somehow we have this instinct that when we are sick and need to figure out what we should take or do to care for ourselves we call our Mother. Well, for those of you who really know me you know that calling my Mom is impossible so you can imagine my frustration. No one ever tells you how to deal with this when they help you grieve a parent. There should be someone designated in this position for just these types of situations so that those of us who were not yet ready to figure this stuff out on our own can still have some help. So I ended up going to the little clinic that my f@#king insurance allows me to go when I am sick - my hate for this insurance policy is so much that I don't even think that all of my ranting would fit into one blog. The Physicians ASSistant (or PA for you doctor types - ASS emphasis intentional) was colder than Minnesota in the dead of winter and after I told her that I had been sick for a week and how my voice really doesn't sound like a chain-smoking man she said that it was probably just viral and gave me a script for something for my sinuses - which I told her DIDN'T hurt. Also, when I told her that my mucous was green (sorry for the graphics) she said that color really doesn't matter - so my stuff could have been purple and it just meant that I must have eaten a lot of grape Skittles??? So I left feeling like I should have trusted my gut and not gone at all and just waited for this crud to do it's thing and go away.

I then went to the store and picked up some more food - Dannon yogurt was on sale, 10 for $5, total steal! The rest of the day was just crappy because I don't get good cell reception here and when Tim called I couldn't talk to him much at all. I cannot stress enough how much this living arrangement sucks. I finished the day with some wedding stuff and more TV - really can't get enough of the stuff. All in all it was a sucky day, even if it was my day off.

What?!

I just looked in the mirror and realized that I have sunburn all over my face! What the hell?! I was outside for maybe 45 minutes today!! This is ridiculous and just tops off my stupid day. I am lonely, tired and sunburnt!

Blah

Today was really boring and lonely. I woke up before 10 because I am congested like it's my job so I had an extra few hours to kill this morning just hanging out. I like Saturdays because I can usually sleep in and wear jeans all day - a luxury I really miss from my undergrad and seminary days.

Today was gorgeous outside and so I had the doors and windows open to let the house air out. My only task for the day was to write my sermon for tomorrow morning but that was turning out to be a task that was not going to be accomplished in any kind of manageable time frame. I turned off the TV and set my iPod to play all kinds of fun classical/churchy music so I would be inspired. That worked for about 3 hours and I only wrote 2 paragraphs.

So then I took my car to the car wash since I had a free pass and it was not raining or snowing today. It was a nice little drive with the sunroof vented and my windows down. Then I came home.

To make a long, boring story short - I then watched some college basketball and also watched two new TLC shows. I watched "Little People, Big World" and thought it was ok - not as interesting as I thought. I then watched the Duggers (those people in Arkansas that have 16 children) build a 7000 sq ft house by themselves in over 3 years. It was like watching ants build with an Erector Set. You know its a great family when all of the kids' names begin with J and the dad's name is Jim Bob - no lie.

Ok, now I am rambling. I need to go to bed so I can get up and preach tomorrow. Blah.

Mini Homecoming

I took a drive to Stamford, CT tonight to see the Valpo Chorale in concert as part of their Spring break tour. It was so great to hear them and just reflect on my experience at VU. Remembering my experiences kind of reminded me of how lucky I am to have had such a great exprience there. There was a guy at the CD table after the concert who I had known when I was a senior and he was a freshman - it was Brian Wise for those of you who might know who I am talking about. I re-introduced myself and reminded him that he knew me because I dated one of his frat brothers (Paul Friesen-Carper) my senior year. Then he remembered all of a sudden and said "Oh yeah! You lived at... Homer Court!" I said "Yes!!!" What a great feeling that our legend of great parties and fun in general lives on through the years! I will have to email the other housemates from 1001 and let them know. I think the ball pit really put us on the map - that and the cheap beer.

So I had a great time there and remembered all of the professors/people that I need to email to update on my life. I also remembered how important my Valpo experience has been for my self-esteem and self-confidence in general. Overall, I think I have 2 friends from high school that I actually still talk to and thats because I really was a dork in high school and just did not have the time or motivation to make friends - being the captain of the bowling team is not the fastest way to make friends in high school. But when I went to VU I was able to make a fresh start and really begin to figure out who I was and how to be genuine with myself and comfortable in my own skin. Many of my friends might not know this but every single person that I knew at Valpo has influenced my life in some way. The 5 West wing in Alumni Hall (We like it on Top!), travelling around Europe for a semester, Church Vocations symposium, Social Concerns (now SALT), Chapel staff, Admissions office, VAULT, and of course, Team Lush have all been great experiences for me and I would not be the well-adjusted person that I am today without them. They have taught me that it's ok to be excited about theology and that just because I am going to be a pastor I can still have a good time with my friends. I have friends all over the planet now and that is something that still amazes me sometimes.

I love Valpo and will continue to support it until I die and if I have a big enough estate when I die (yeah right) I will leave a scholarship endowment for people who were the captain of the bowling team in high school... :)

When the Vicar disagrees with the Pastor...

Today, we had a meeting of the Worship and Music committee. The chair brought up an idea to introduce the 'common cup' idea to our communion practice. The 'common cup' (cc from now on) is the cup from which people will directly drink from during communion instead of dipping their bread/wafer into the wine (intinction) or getting a little cup of wine (shot glass style). Now, it seems that there are only a few ways to implement this in a community that already has two cups offered at communion for intinction, one with grape juice and one with wine. There are some health concerns that many people have, some for good reason (I am pretty sure that I got 'mono' from the cc) and others because people still do not know how AIDS is actually spread (I wish I was kidding...), so we came to the conclusion that we needed to add another cup into the mix that would be solely for people to drink from directly.

The pastor had two ideas, one was to have a kind of "Last Call" type of situation where most people (those who will prefer intinction) would come up to the rail when they felt like it and then at the end the last group at the alter up would be given the cc. As I imagined this in practice I had visions of chaos and people not know when exactly they should approach the table and potentially going at the wrong time or maybe even not at all which is not what our goal is here. Her other idea was to have one side of the communion rail offer the cc and the other side have the intinction cups with wine and grape juice. Another idea that while sounded good in theory (in her head at least) might not be as effective in keeping the confusion down and not distracting from the sacrament we are trying to focus on. I kept picturing "Dippers" and "Sippers" signs over the alter directing people to their correct water fountain, OH I mean communion wine, my bad.

Well during this lovely discussion I was feeling a little ballsy and decided that I would actually voice my opinion about this situation from my experience in the last 6 months at this church. I basically told the pastor that both of her ideas were not going to work logistically, but in a tone that was supportive and not to harsh (we learned to be smooth in seminary). Well, she looked at me as if I had 3 heads for a) disagreeing with her and b) thinking that I might actually understand the people in a different way than she does. I then suggested that it might be more helpful and less disruptive to the ritual if we added another person to carry the cc and have it available for those who wish to use it. Well then she said that my idea drew too much attention to the American idea of materialism and how we have so many choices and options in our world and that was not how we should present the holy meal of Jesus. I then wanted to point out that we are already talking about offering another option for wine and that how we offer it does not make it any less of a choice for the people, there will still be 3 options! But I bit my tongue (that was another class in seminary).

Those on the committee ended up agreeing with me for the most part and I felt as if it was a moral victory for myself as a Vicar who will no longer just nod and smile all the time when the Pastor speaks her mind and I disagree. There has been many an occasion for which I have wished to confront her decisions and there are many battles for which I choose not to fight but when you start messing with worship, and changing the experience in a distracting way for the people, I have to speak up. So while today was not an overwhelmingly excellent day I have resolved to take my small victory as just that, small, and do some yoga - never knew my legs could bend that way.

I am not Catholic

This may sound silly to most people but today I realized how un-Catholic I am and how I am an anomoly for my section of New Jersey. I am often scanning around theKnot.com on their message boards and of course frequent the South Jersey board the most for reviews of vendors and such from the area. I find it most interesting when people start to talk about church because a majority of the women on that board are Catholic and for the most part are only Catholic when it is convienent for them - i.e. marriages, baptisms, CCD, communion, etc. So they freak out when it comes time to talk to the priest about their wedding and their marriage because they don't know what to say when the priest asks 'Why do you want to get married in the Catholic church?' - their real answer is that they feel obligated because of family guilt and a mechanical switch that goes off in their minds when they think of weddings - it has nothing to do with their faith or how they think about God which is really sad in my opinion. If I were a Catholic priest (praise Jesus that I am not!) I would be honest with these couples and suggest that they rethink their reasons for getting married in a church - but then again, this might be why I am not Catholic.

The other extreme that I have encountered on this board is those people who have no religion because they do not want to be Catholic, as if the only option for religion is Catholicism and anything else is useless. Although, I have to respect them in some ways for not trying to put on a Catholic hat for their wedding day and then stuffing it back into their closet until they have a child and want it to be 'done' (baptism) so it doesn't go to hell. Somehow a Christian denomination (please note that Catholicism is not its own religion, its Christian and one of many established Christian churches) that maintains membership out of fear of hell and social damnation is either one of two things, 1) really smart because obviously it is working or 2) abusing its power over people and not proclaiming the graceful gospel that is apparent in the bible.

But this is just my humble, educated, experienced, opinion. I will continue to be one of the minority Protestant "Knotties" on that board and will proudly plan a wedding in a church that embraces all people, even Catholics.


*Please note that in this whole blog post I refer to the Catholic Church with a capitol 'C' and not as the catholic church with a lower case 'c'. This is to make certain that those who know that the 'church catholic', which encompasses all Christians, is different than the Roman Catholic Church.

** Also, please do not take this post as a slam to all Roman Catholic churches or parishoners, I have many RC friends and respect those who share in this faith and hope that we can find a day when we will come to worship God together.

Stupid Allergies!

Well, it's definitely the start of allergy season once again. Last night my throat was getting scratchy and today I woke up with a head full of pressure and no motivation to do anything. Good thing I have a medicine cabinet full of sinus draining drugs that seem to at least make me feel like I can function for the day.

I went to pericope study with my supervisor and was pretty annoyed with her. She tends to dominate the conversation wherever we are, she has a few control issues if you ask me. Last week I went without her because she was on a retreat and it was nice to just listen to others speak for a while - heard some great First Call stories from one of the pastors who was sent to West Virginia. I really like being able to meet with the other Lutheran pastors to chat about their daily lives and struggles for the coming week.

Well it's time for a new Daily Show and I am pretty beat so hopefully tomorrow will go better with these darn allergies!

165 days to go...

But I am not keeping count or anything

Monday is my day off so I get to sleep in and go to the Y in the middle of the day and shower at 4, it's really a great day in the life of an intern. It's the day that all of a sudden becomes all about us and the lives we have outside of the parish. I get to hang out on TheKnot.com all day and read the message boards and dream about my wedding and how happy I will be to reach that day. The sad part about the day off is that there is technically only one a week. That's right, you might have thought that Pastors only work one day a week but in reality there is only one day in which we are not working - those of you who are PKs know what I mean. This job is demanding and most people in seminary assume that we will be 'on call' 24/7 but that is mostly true. We can be called at any time to attend of a situation that needs our presence but that does not mean that we WORK 24/7. My supervisor said that if we 'work' 24/7 we will never be able to be available for the emergencies that come up that fit into that 'on-call' category so that we will not only become overworked but also unavailable to our parishoners when they need to feel God's presence the most. I agree with her and also think that if we take our day off for granted and work right through it we will lack a sense of self that is desparately needed in ministry because if we cannot figure out who we are how can we preach to our parishoners and expect to know who they are.

Another great part of having Monday as a day off is that I get to stay up late on Sunday night, good thing the Oscars were on TV on Sunday :). I was SO happy when Crash won for best picture because it is amazing film. When I first saw it I was out with a friend from seminary celebrating our last final being finished and we wanted to get off campus for a little while. We had no idea how intense it would be but we were really glad we were able to see it in the theatre. If you have not seen it I suggest renting it and then buying it for use with groups about racism and the way society labels people all to quickly and unfairly. Don't watch it if you are looking for a movie to make you feel better about yourself but watch it because you want to see the world in a very true way. This is, of course, my opinion and anyone else who does not agree is open to do so but in a day in age where things seem all too sugercoated to be reality its nice to see a movie from Hollywood that actually says what the world is really turning out to be.

Well, the dryer is no longer making the floor shake so that can only mean that my towels are now dry. Gotta love the day off.

Home Visits

I love to visit people at home. It has to be one of the coolest parts of this job that I am training for. I actually get paid to hang out, have tea and swedish cake, and chat with people (mostly older people) in their homes on a regular basis. Sometimes the conversation turns to things that are theological or a listening session about the things that are wrong with the church and need to be improved. Today I had a lovely visit with a woman who probably knows every single person in the congregation as well as their grandparents, she has been around for quite a while. Sharp as a tack and not afraid to express her opinion, this woman really makes my job amazing. Today could have been a day sitting in my office staring at the wall and listening to my iPod but instead I was able to learn a little more about the history of both her family and this congregation.

To stay on the subject of love, I promise that I am not getting mushy about Tim (even though he is HERE!), I am amazed at the love that I have grown to have for this congregation. Each week I find a new reason why they are a great congregation to learn with and from. They take great pride in their public witness in the city and while it sometimes blinds them from seeing the mission renewal that is needed, they are known as being the church that helps anyone it can whenever they can. My "Internship Project" is to revisit their mission statement and reinforce their commitment to mission in the world. I am really excited to help them turn around again and see the world around them through the lens of the gospel.

Tomorrow is kind of a day off but of course I will be working all day getting ready for Sunday. This new lenten discipline will take some getting used to and hopefully in the future my posts will have a little more depth.

No more snow!!

Grrrr... After having 25 inches of snow in one day a few weeks ago I am about done with winter in New England. Some of my friends from the midwest will argue that they are also suffering with extreme cold and winter weather as well but there is a reason I left after 4 years - I had enough! As March began I had begun to think of spring clothes and skirts and then we get 6 inches of snow - stupid Northeast. Every meeting I had planned for today (there were 3) was cancelled and all of a sudden my very busy day became very free and I was quite bored. I ended up shoveling snow and cleaning off my car, twice. So much for getting some stuff done!


So for those of you who are not familiar with life in Connecticut let me help you understand what you are missing. One of the first things that I noticed in my time here is that the news broadcasts are for the entire state of Connecticut. Where I am from in South Jersey the news is for the Philadelphia region which includes Philly, South Jersey, Delaware, and even into some parts of PA just west of Philly. There are some nights here in CT when I really think that the producers actually had to make up stories in order to fill in the 20 minutes of air time and there are many stories that just do not make sense in their presentation. For example, tonight there was a brief story about new FDA standards for PRE-CUT VEGETABLES sold in supermarkets and for the video portion of the story they were showing UN-CUT FRUIT - that doesn't match!

I gave each of the 3 networks (Fox is not recognized as an actual news network in my home) a try out in my first few weeks here and I soon realized that none of them actually provided me with the level of quality news broadcasting that I received from my Action News team in Philly. So I decided that I couldn't watch weather with "Dr. Mel" who is older than dirt and talks as if he is about keel over at any moment. So I decided to go with NBC 30 and the 'manscaper' as Tim calls him - someone should tell one of the anchors that his mustache does not meet cultural standards for thickness, a little creepy but at least I don't have to worry about him entering life eternal on air.


I didn't get to go to the Y tonight - STUPID SNOW! - so I will have to visit that topic at a later date.

Tim comes to visit tomorrow!!!! yay!!! Living alone sucks when you are engaged!

Time for the Colbert Report! :)

Christine rocks...

I need to make a public apology to Christine for not including her in my first post. I am also very excited to now be able to read and comment to Christine's blog because she makes me laugh until I cry. Truly a funny gal! I miss her and will never forget the day that she and Evan (from Hawaii) had their first snow experience in Indiana - you have not seen excitment until you see a Hawaiian see his first snow fall.

So I hope that everyone now knows how much I appreciate Christine's posts and online friendship ;). Everyone should be as lucky as I.

Ash Wednesday

Remember that you are but dust, and to dust you shall return.

These words were spoken millions of times all over the world as Christians gathered to begin the Lenten season with ashes on their foreheads. For most it was probably a very solemn occasion for self reflection and a resolution for discipline.

For some it was a day to acknowledge their shortcomings and give up chocolate and meat on Fridays for 40 days. One of the older men at the church was fixing one of the doors today and said that while he was at the hardware store someone was walking around with ashes asking people if they wanted some. He said he would get some that night at church but still thought it was quite odd that someone would give out ashes in a hardware store. How far is too far with evangelism? If people are not showing up for church do we really need to bring church to them and lose everything that makes up church? Lutherans understand worship as an assembly of people around the central things of our faith - bath, table, word, and prayer - some might argue you can find these in a hardware store but I still beg to differ. Some might call me a purist but we can't just bring the elements away from the central place and assume that they still retain their meaning. Everytime someone jumps in a pool we cannot claim that they have been baptized. We need to be intentional about worship and instead of worshipping the things that God has given us as signs of the promise of salvation we need to worship the God that made the promise in the first place. If we put too much emphasis on the thing (water, bread, wine, ashes) we begin to worship that which is not God but what God acts through in order to strengthen our faith in the grace we received on Easter. So while I think its a creative gesture to bring ashes to the hardware store I think that the gesture overshadows what the ashes really mean. Let's rethink this shall we?



OK, on a another note from today I just want to tell everyone that I am never buying pleated pants again. For someone who is pretty confident with an iron I have never had as much trouble as I do with pleats. Who said our pants need pleats anyway? What does that little line do except make us look like we wish we had diamond shaped legs? Maybe there should be instructions on the tag about how exactly we are supposed to get that line to be straight and down the middle and make sure that we don't accidentally make two lines - grrrr.... So I hope flat front pants are gonna be in style for a while because that's all I am gonna buy for a very long time.

Maybe tomorrow I will give you some thoughts I have on people who work out at the Y - all of those mirrors really help with the people watching ;)