Peace be with you

Here is the sermon that I gave today. Read at your leisure and try to imagine me saying it because I think it sounds better when spoken aloud to try to imagine me standing in front of you inflecting and making wild hand gestures. The wide gaps between paragraphs are long pauses - I wish I had some sort of video recording to post instead...

Sermon for Sunday, April 23, 2006

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, defines agoraphobia this way “Agoraphobia today describes severe and pervasive anxiety about being in situations from which escape might be difficult or avoidance of situations such as being alone outside of the home, traveling in a car, bus, or airplane, or being in a crowded area.” People who suffer from agoraphobia often become prisoners in their own home. The idea of being in an uncontrollable environment causes them so much anxiety that they would rather stay in their homes for days on end, sometimes years, before they will risk leaving. Their feelings of safety come from the closed, locked door that shields them from the unpredictability of the world outside.

Doors can be precious things. They protect and shield many people from having to face what danger might be lying on the other side. They also open to some wonderful opportunities and friendships with people that we might have never thought possible. Some doors are large, some are small. Some slid open and others revolve. Sometimes crossing the threshold of a door into an unknown situation can make us want to turn around and go back so that we do not have to face whatever is on the other side.



The disciples had locked the door. And for good reason, the people outside of the door were looking for them and probably wanted to kill them for being followers of Jesus. They did not know what to do. The last time they had seen Jesus he was dead – really dead – and the hope for the resurrection that he kept talking about was beginning to dwindle. They did not want to step into the chaos outside their door for fear that they would not be able to escape unharmed and so they stay inside. What were they going to do?

“Peace be with you”. Can you imagine the surprise when Jesus appears in that room? The room with the door that was locked – the door that is STILL locked. Before they can even begin to comprehend anything else he shows them his hands and side so that they can see and touch his wounds. They can feel him and yet he could walk through the locked door. He didn’t need a key or to tear the door down, he just walks in. Then they rejoiced! “Peace be with you,” he says again. Peace indeed! Jesus is alive!

There is nothing more to fear because Jesus has defeated sin and death. And as he gives this peace he reminds them that as the Father has sent him, so he now will send the disciples with God’s peace to share with all people.

What wonderful words those are, “Peace be with you”. The word peace can mean so many things depending on the situation. In Hebrew the word Shalom is known to mean peace but it’s meaning can go further than that and for many it means a sense of completeness, wholeness, and tranquility; relief, comfort and strength. God’s peace is what will make the disciples able to enter new situations without fear of being alone. That peace is also what makes us know that WE are never alone.



When my Mom was in the hospital there were these large 5ft. wide doors that led to the Cardiac Care Unit. You had to push a big button on the wall for the doors to swing open. Once the doors were open there was a distinct odor of what I call, “hospital smell”. Sanitized air that felt heavy and daunting. I walked past the first three rooms and then came to hers and approached another threshold. There were two large sliding glass doors to her room that were usually open but created one more threshold in which I had to cross. The nurses were always really friendly and usually someone like my Dad or Grandmother was already there so it was easy to go in once I saw them. It was as if Jesus had whispered “Peace be with you” in my ear when I saw them because I was no longer afraid and knew that I would not have to go through that experience alone.



September 1 was my first day here at Gloria Dei. I had already moved in with the help of Tim and my Dad and now I was ready to start my work at the church. I put on a nice skirt and top and got the things that I thought I would need for my first day together in a bag. I walked through the trees and across the parking lot, up the stairs and then to those big red doors. I tugged on one and it was locked – so was the other. I saw a sign that said that I needed to ring the bell in order to gain entry. I have to say that I felt rather awkward talking to the voice that came over the intercom. “uh, um… I’m Annemarie… the new vicar?… “ There was a buzzing sound from the door and the voice said “Come on in!” I went in. Down the stairs and into the office where I was immediately met with a key to the entire building, except one closet for which there is a separate key. In a matter of about 3 minutes I went from being a stranger on the doorstep to the keeper of the keys. What a welcome. I heard “Peace be with you” at the sound of Lisa’s voice and as she handed me the keys – all of my anxiety was gone and I knew that everything was going to be ok.

At those words, “Peace be with you”, the fears of what was lying behind those locked doors is beginning to subside. The disciples are beginning to understand what this resurrection really means for them. At first they had begun to think that their job of preaching and teaching with Jesus was over after his death, but now their job is really just beginning. They now have good news to share with those who have been mourning and living in fear after his death. They are at the threshold of a new journey.

But Thomas was not with them when Jesus appeared. He did not hear those wonderful words or see the wounds and face of Jesus. The other disciples tried to tell him what they had seen so that he would know that Jesus was truly alive but he was not convinced. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

So what is the matter with Thomas? Does he think that the other disciples are lying about this? How could they lie about something so wonderful and uplifting? Thomas wants things to be done on his own terms. He likes to be in control of his life and how he experiences it. If he is going to believe that Jesus is alive he is going to need some proof… well more proof than what he has already heard from his friends.

We want to control things and do them on our own terms more often than we want to trust God to be there with us to help. We become trapped in our own version of agoraphobic behavior, we become fearful of that moment of letting go and trusting that we are not going to be left alone. The more we try to stay in that locked room under our own terms the more we become like Thomas who would not believe until Jesus held out his hands to touch him.

We want proof that that everything will be ok and that we will never be alone in that hospital room… on that job interview… at the moment of death. And just when we think that we are going to encounter inescapable chaos – Jesus whispers in our ear, “Peace be with you” and appears as our family and friends, appears as our supportive church community, and promises that we will never be alone.

The fact that we share the peace with one another every Sunday is not because Pastor Nagle or the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America decided that it might be nice and neighborly to do. We exchange the peace with one another in order to build our community and to remind each other that in this body of Christ we are representatives of that peace for each other.

In this community our exchange comes at one of the most appropriate places that I have encountered. Some communities exchange the peace just before the offering is taken but here we exchange it right after the confession and absolution. We have just confessed to God that we are not even close to being worthy of the love and mercy that we are shown on a daily basis and have heard those words of forgiveness. What better time is there to hear “Peace be with you” than right then? It’s the hug of love and compassion that we need to feel in order to know that the mercy God has for us is real.

How many people do you know who do not have an opportunity to hear these words spoken to them and for them? How many people do you know who think that God has locked them out and could not possibly love them enough to actually bring them the kind of peace, love, and wholeness that we experience here? Maybe they are people that you used to see just a few pews ahead of you. For whatever the reasons there are people everywhere who feel as though God has abandoned them and are really waiting for someone to show them that the wounds in Jesus’ hands and side are actually for them and that they are worthy of that much love.

We are standing on the threshold of the door to finding the mission for the congregation. We will gather today to study the bible, discuss our faith, and make plans for how we will reach out into the world in the name of Christ. The world is full of chaos; in this week alone we remembered the Oklahoma City bombing and the Columbine Massacre and we are constantly aware of the wars that are going on overseas and next door and there is no way to know what we will have to face in the future. We do have a promise from God and Jesus through our baptism and this meal that we are about to share together that whatever we do, we do it as the collective body of Christ. We must always remember that no matter how thick the door or chaotic the situation Jesus is going to be there, whispering “Peace be with you”. Amen.

35 Kegs of beer on the lawn...

35 kegs of beer!! Take one down, pass it around - oh no the cops are here to take away our beer on the lawn!

It's Spring Weekend at UConn and the news has been covering it since Tuesday (it only goes the length of the normal college weekend - Thursday through Sunday). Interviews with police, students, police, and police were necessary to see how the police would handle those crazy college kids. Last night there were a few arrests for disorderly conduct and minor crimes. Tonight there was a big party crashed - there were 35 kegs of beer at the house. Now, most of the houses in Connecticut are HUGE because there are a lot of rich people here (there are also a LOT of poor people) so I can see how you can hide a lot of people in them without too much trouble. But how do you expect to hide 35 kegs? AND, how do you suppose you are going to CONSUME all of those kegs. As someone with some experience with kegs I know that it takes a lot of people to empty 1 and I think at one party we could have handled 2 no problem, but 35? Thats a little optimistic, I don't think anyone is that popular I don't care how many frats you might have pledged or nerds you promised hot girls to. If 1 keg produces about 165 12 oz cups of beer. That means that 35 kegs produces 5,775 12oz. cups of beer!! Seriously, I know that the US is all about 'thinking big' and indulging in things but that is just ridiculous.

Here is a link for your reading pleasure http://www.queensjournal.ca/articlephp/point-vol132/issue16/news/lead1
Sorry, I don't know how to make pretty links without all of the schmutz.

The most sad part of this whole situation is the fact that this story was reported within the first 5 minutes of the news cast and actually beat out the Chinese President's visit to Yale University. I won't even go into the report titled "Oil Changes Undercover" with the boob at the Jiffy Lube who basically said that any and all kinds of driving are considered "severe conditions" and that everyone should get their oil changed every 5 minutes, I mean every 3000 miles - no matter what your owner's manual might say (those people that made the car have no idea what they are talking about apparently).

Welcome to Connecticut! Only 101 days left!!!

I was on a roll...

And then suddenly I am gone for 10 days. Holy week was really great but SO busy. I learned a lot about planning services and how (not) to instruct congregations when they are beginning an Easter Vigil tradition and have NO IDEA what is going on. Easter morning was glorious and I belted out those "Alleluias" because I had been waiting for Easter since the beginning of Lent. I cannot remember a time thta I wanted to see Easter more than this year, except when I was younger and Easter meant candy more than it meant celebrating the resurrection of our Lord.

Contrary to what it may seem, I actually have a lot to say about the world and what is happening in it. I come up with blog ideas all day long, unfortunatley they always come to me while I am in the car, in my office, or in church (when you have to go 3 times a Sunday you have some day dreaming room during the sermon). Things like the way people drive, the way this church operates in its daily life, life in Connecticut, and weddings in general. But then I come home and it becomes the end of the day I am not longer wanting to rant about the way people follow you on the highway or how much I love The Daily Show.

Right now I am knee deep in my Internship Project. The main event is this Sunday and as it approaches I am realizing how much I have to get done. I am leading a workshop called, "Exploring Our Mission" in which we will talk about Biblical and Lutheran models of mission and then discuss what the needs are for this community and how our mission statement reflects all of these things. It's gonna be a good time but I am going to be wicked happy when it's Monday and I am done with one more milestone on the way to the end of internship.

So I apologize to those you who read this - there are more than I had first thought. I appreciate your interest because it makes me feel worthwhile as a person, that and when I go to Panera and they no longer ask for my name when I order. Speaking of Panera... on Easter I was greeting some college kids and one of them said "Aren't you in Panera a lot?" I had to admit my patheticness and then told his mother that the next time he sees me he should say hi so that the people who work there think that I have friends.

Welcome to Holy Week

Welcome to Holy Week.

It started with my day off which is probably an appropriate way to begin this week. The sad thing is that my supervisor's day off is Friday and so she will not have a day off until next week - and I am sure that I will hear about it at sometime this week. Tomorrow and Wednesday we will be preparing for the marathon that will be Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday with at least 2 services on most of those days along with various other activities. I am preaching for the Bristol community Good Friday service so that should be cool, I am looking forward to it since I have not preached on Good Friday before let alone for a multi-denominational service.

This past weekend was an adventure but one that we came through pretty well. There were a few surprises along the way such as the fact that apparently I have been volunteered to sing the psalm on Maundy Thursday which no one told me until it was time to rehearse - since I HATE when people volunteer me for things without asking me I did not attend the rehearsal, I also had something much more important to do anyway. During the Sunday School hour (also during rehearsal time) we did a kind of 'Stations of the Cross' activity with the kids to show them some of the things that we celebrate this week. It was really cool and I was really glad to have a chance to help with it.

One of the more interesting parts of being the Vicar is realizing that your schedule is not something that anyone check's with before they schedule meetings/activities that they expect you to attend. One of the classes I missed in seminary was "How to Divide your Body in Two" so that I could successfully attend two things at a time. So Sunday night when both confirmation and Cruzando preparation needed my attention I had to split it up between them. Maybe when I am ordained I will get to learn it, along with that secret handshake that I see everyone doing...

Tim is coming on Wednesday so this week is going to get really good on that day. The weather this week is gorgeous so in general I am a happier person since sunshine is like a drug to me - can't get enough! Well, until I am sunburnt and cursing it's existence...

Welcome to Holy Week...

Time

Time is not behaving the way I would like it to. Doesn't it seem that whenever we are looking forward to something, maybe a wedding, time seems to move like molasses in January. But when we need to get something done, maybe an internship project, time seems to fly by faster than a leer jet. The fact remains that in reality time moves at the same pace all of the time, no matter how fast or slow we want it to move. The seconds tick away without any consideration for it we are ready for them or not and all we can do is deal with it the best we can.

Today I was looking over my calendar for the next 4 months and there is more ink on those pages than I have seen in a long time. Most of my time is accounted for with either church stuff or wedding stuff leaving little time for anything else. Part of me is glad for the plethora of distractions from the fact that I am truly miserable without Tim. I know exactly how many days are left until our wedding everyday (133 today) and I dread the end of the day when I realize that I have spent another day without him. When I was in college you could not have convinced me, even when I was drunk, that I would feel this way about anyone at this point in my life and now that it's actually happening I have to suffer with living 200 miles away from him for the year before we are married.

The good thing about time going by at a rate that we can never control is that it will always keep going. Life will always move on and force us to face our fears, desires, and trials and then they are over and we go on to something else. Memories of those times remind us of our lives and how unpredictable they can be. As I look towards this coming Holy Week I am reminded of all of those great times at Valpo in the Chapel and the seminary and I wonder how this year will look and feel. Right now I am longing to see Easter Sunday and finally be able to shout Alleluia and thank God for the miracle of the resurrection. Until then I will continue to prepare and pray for time to do what it does and get me through this as best I can.

3 Days to Palm Sunday

Life is getting crazier by the day. The closer we get to Holy Week and Easter the crazier my life becomes. There is so much to do before Sunday and then so much to do next week.

Just when I thought that I knew what next week would look like (crazy) my supervisor mentions that we need to do Holy Week visits to the homebound of the congregation - when in the hell am I supposed to visit the homebound?! I am happy to visit them at any time, I just wish that I had a bit more warning about it than the week before. Then I ask why we didn't sit down and go over the list together (like we have 3 times before) and she says that we already did... hmmm... I don't think I was at that meeting. So I tell her that I don't remember and she insists that because there are notes on the side of her list that we met in the recent past - OK, I forget stuff so it's quite possible that we did. So I get back to the church and go into my office to find my sheet and notice that there are no new notes on my sheet referring to new visit assignments. Hmm... When I get home I have an email from her listing the people that I am supposed to visit - THEY ARE THE SAME ONES AS LAST MONTH!!! We have not talked about this in a meeting since February!!! I know this because I actually put the date next to my information when we met the last time. Such is the life of an intern...

Tomorrow is going to be a long, hard day and I am looking forward to the end of it.

Until then...

What a day...

It wasn't a bad day but man was it long! I got up and went to the gym in the morning and then got myself into my office only to realize how much work I have to get done before Sunday. My internship project is coming up and I am beginning to realize how stressful this is going to be. April is going to fly by and I hope that I am able to keep up! I only have 4 months left here to get my stuff done and still manage to get stuff done for the wedding. I will be ordering invitations this week and someone from the congregation has offered their services as a calligrapher to help me address them - a total God-send! I know that in the end things will work out just fine but right now I am beginning to freak out a little. I cant't wait until we are finally married and I can begin my life with Tim. Tim is coming a week from today so I am really looking forward to seeing him - 39 days apart is too long!

Tomorrow I am looking forward to SUPERvision and a day of preparations for Palm Sunday and Holy Week. I cannot believe that Palm Sunday is this week! Where did the time go? I am not ready yet!

Tonight I spent some time updating my MySpace site and now my little brother has a site too so you should go and harass him.

GG

There have been more than a few shows that have captured my attention over the years. Mr. Rogers, Pinwheel, You Can't Do That On Television (thank you Nickelodeon before you got all crazy), The Cosby Show, Fraggle Rock, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, The Sopranos, Big Love... and many more - but there is only one show that I own actual seasons of on DVD and is Gilmore Girls. Maybe it's because the girls talk about as fast as I do and I feel a kind of kinship in our speedy speech. Maybe I wish that I lived in a town like Stars Hollow with characters like Kirk, Taylor, Miss Patty, Babette, and of course, Luke. Maybe I wish I had rich grandparents like Richard and Emily to fight over who will pay for my Yale education and to buy me a Prius. Since I currently live in Connecticut (where the show takes place) I have been able to really catch on to some of the Connecticut-isms that they use such as the Courant, dirty New Haven, rich people from West Hartford, the Gold Coast, and the random po-dunkness of the small towns.

Here is my commentary on the show this season for all of you who watch too:
Right now I would like to wring Rory's neck for meddling wth her mother's relationship with Luke because she is really making it worse than it has to be. Even if Lorelai is being a little wimpy about pushing Luke to introduce her to his newly found 12 year old daughter, April, she is just trying to be supportive of Luke. And if anyone should be talking about relationships it is not Rory! She has taken Logan back twice now after he behaved badly and most girls would forgive her for taking him back after he was a jerk the first time but then after he sleeps with 4 girls because of a misunderstanding that reminds of me the show Friends when Ross and Rachel were "on a break" and most girls would say take a hike - but not Rory! All he needs to do is bat those pretty eyes and she is back in his luxe apartment in New Haven (the good block in New Haven). I want to email the writer and see if she could please give Rory her spine back sometime soon becuase I don't think I can take it anymore.

So thats what I have to say about that. Life has been hectic and this past weekend really kicked my ass with all of the stuff that I had to do. I hope to keep up with the blogging for the rest of Lent becuase I know how you are just waiting to see what is going to come out of my brain next.